This one may ruffle some feathers but I think it's important we start looking past the headlines and start looking into ourselves. Would love to know what you think!
So... What Exactly is Coaching?
So, I asked you guys for help last week on Facebook and boy did you deliver! The first thing you gave me? A reality check. THANK YOU for reminding me that sometimes it's good to start with the basics...
With over 2,000 views is just 24hrs, we were overwhelmed by your support but also reminded of the fact that coaching is still a relatively young industry so an explanation was in order. If you've ever wondered what it is that coaches actually do, this one's for you!
If you'd like to skip the pleasantries and get to the core message, fast forward to 3:00. We realize it's a lengthy but we needed to express our gratitude to you for being so awesome! ❤ As always, feedback is most welcome and remember to subscribe, subscribe, subscribe!
We've Been Featured in the Washington Post!
As we often say... better late than never!
We've received good news folks, and although we were notified of this 3 months after publication, we are proud to say we've been featured in The Washington Post! To see the article, click here.
(I picked Marvin Gaye's Got to Give It Up, Pt. 1 for this because this is my favorite song to celebrate to. Hope it brightens your day as much as it does mine!)
Hey You! Yeah, you.
(clears throat)
Hey you! Yeah, you.
I think it's time for a reminder...
You are not a slave to mom and dad’s ideas of what is acceptable.
You are not a slave to the feelings of unworthiness caused by the fluctuations on your scale or the changes you see in the mirror.
You are not a slave to the education or lack thereof that you’ve received.
You are not a slave to ‘the work you’ve already put in’ if it’s making you unhappy.
You are not a slave to your uncomfortable money story.
You are not a slave to up-leveling with every purchase.
You are not a slave to the constant creation of instagrammable moments.
You are not a slave to the story in your head of what it ‘should’ look like by now.
You are not a slave to a glass of wine, joint, or cigarette to feel at ease.
You are not a slave to the way other people perceive you.
You are not a slave to the lifestyle you’ve created.
You are not a slave to the justifications people think you owe them for your choices.
You are not a slave to ‘making the relationship work’ if it isn’t.
You are not a slave to the hit of dopamine your phone offers with every ‘like’ or text message.
You are not a slave to the friendships ‘you’ve had forever’ if they don't help you grow.
You are not a slave to lame conversation or mediocre food.
You are not a slave to who you were even 5 minutes ago and finally...
You are not a slave to the mistakes you've made, the people you've hurt, or to the opportunities you've missed. It's time to move on.
So, you!
Yeah, you, my dear glorious and perfectly imperfect human... You my friend, are not a slave to any of it.
Every second you breathe is a second you choose who runs the show.
Why don't you do us both a favor and cut that shit out then will you?
You'll thank me later.
Love,
The Universe
p.s. If you were looking for a sign, this is it. ;)
Namasme.
(Even though I couldn't be farther away from Peru if I tried, I chose Marcha del Chullachaqui as the song for this post because it sounds like what it feels like to ride my motorcycle through the rice fields all day. It sounds and feels like a delicious summer day doesn't it?)
33 at 33: Lessons I've Learned From Being The Age of Jesus
So, 3 days till my birthday on the 3rd month of 2017 and I’m turning 33. In celebration of that and considering the fact that by my age Jesus had already changed humanity, I felt compelled to take stock of these past 396 months to see what I’ve learned from them and to share those lessons with you.
After all, Jesus left some pretty big shoes for us to fill and I, for one, am aware I fall painfully short on the accomplishment front by comparison. But then again don't we all except for maybe Elon Musk?
After some deliberate thought, I came up with 33 lessons. To be sincere, I'm not sure if any of these is going to be life changing for you but I do know that one or two of these may resonate and make you think about things a little differently... if at least for a short while. So enjoy, have a laugh, and by all means comment if the spirit moves you.
-Jenniffer's 33 at 33-
- The best investment you can make is in a good mattress and comfortable pillows.
Failure is a mindset. If you frame a situation as a problem rather than an opportunity, you’re limiting what you can create from it. You’ve limited your scope and therefore your possible ‘solutions’.
People are in your life for the amount of time that you’re supposed to teach each other things. If they leave, it’s because you’ve reached the end of your mutual learning or because the lesson they’re meant to teach you will come from your separation.
It’s not about feeling better, It’s about getting better at feeling. The pursuit of happiness for the sake of happiness is very noble but will leave you disappointed if you make happiness the destination and fail to understand that the enjoyment of life lies in the journey.
Be proactive about your personal development when times are good. Waiting for a crisis to change shit is unnecessarily traumatic.
Travel is by far the best education. It offers lessons in context, humility, and freedom.
The least selfish thing that you can do to improve your relationships with others is to keep the focus on you. Worry about what you're bringing to the table and make sure that it is worthy of what you expect in return.
There is no greater personal development project than starting a business….especially on your own.
Anywhere you go, there you are. You can run from everything except yourself so you may as well get to know the person who'll be with you for the rest of your life and learn to like them.
Just because you CAN deal with something doesn’t mean you HAVE to. Remember, you have a limited amount of energy to use every day.
Some people are better to love… from afar. That doesn't mean you don't love them.
When you travel, do support the local economy. Uber and McDonald's don’t need your vacation money and they also prevent you from having an authentic experience.
For a relationship to shift only one person needs to do so. Have things gotten cyclical? Change the approach or your perspective and watch the magic unfold.
Stuff is overrated. (and a pain in the ass if you're a roaming gypsy like yours truly)
Nobody will ever understand you the way you can understand yourself. And even that’s hard. So if you want someone to truly ‘get you,’ get to work. If you're reading this you probably have a couple decades to catch up on.
The cure for anxiety lies in the breath. Yes, even if it means doing it at work, in the bathroom stall by yourself for ten minutes.
As far as creating change is concerned, where you spend your money is far more impactful than what you post on Facebook... Even if you post 50 times about it.
You’re good enough. Duh.
You can 'think' something to death but it isn’t until you actually 'do' it that you'll know if it’s the right thing for you. Unless it can kill you, do it. Just fucking do it.
What you resist persists. Sometimes the best way out of an uncomfortable emotion is through it.
Making someone else responsible for your happiness is unfair to both of you—to them for the unnecessary pressure caused by your expectations and to you because they’ll never measure up to what you have in mind…because, you know, they don’t live there.
Oftentimes even the worst case scenario is still figureoutable and less scary than how it seems initially.
Good advice and validation aren’t the same thing. One you seek with no conditions looking for a fresh perspective, the other you seek because you’re not grounded in your truth. When you approach someone, be honest about what you're asking for.
Sometimes hearing what you don’t want to hear is exactly what you need so learn to listen with humility. Listen to understand and not to respond right away. People will surprise you if you allow them to.
As you evolve, the people you keep close will too.
Get naked. Often. Study yourself. Your body is a miracle. You should accept that and treat it as such. Plus, the more naked you get, the more comfortable you'll be in your skin. The more comfortable you are in your skin, the better sex you'll have. (sorry mom)
Don’t let anybody ‘should’ on you. Now repeat that line quickly and out loud... I'm gonna go out here on a limb and say that the first sentence you read is way worse than the second. (Parents of infants please feel free to step in here and agree with me)
A tired body can't heal a troubled mind. Take some time to eat and rest. What ever it is it can wait.
Wanna know how self-aware you are? Pay attention to how much you judge others.
If you don’t have a clear sense of self, someone will decide who you are for you... and it will make you miserable.
Money is a transfer of energy. Nothing more, nothing less. To make it and be happy you can’t worship it or fear it. You must, however, respect it.
There is nothing wrong with having material desires. Just understand that anything that you want on the material front is symbolic of a deeper need of yours and that it's a need you can source without having to become a prisoner of your stuff.
If nothing else, kindness.
There you have it folks! Hope this proved useful or at least entertaining. Have a wonderful day and don't forget that regardless of what it may feel like sometimes in your life, you're in the driver's seat and change is possible.
Namasme.
***I'm currently in Bali so for this post's song I couldn't help but pick the song I've had on repeat all week every time we get in the car to go somewhere.... Tim Aminov's One Lone Survivor (Geju Remix). Enjoy!***
Say Hello to Our Youtube Channel!
Hello Namasme community!
It is with great pride that we announce our new Youtube Channel! This has been a long time in the making and we're very excited to share this very special project with you. This particular initiative is very near and dear to my heart because it means I get to flex my creativity muscle once again for work and I couldn't be happier!
On our channel you will find everything from book reviews, vlogs, interviews with inspirational figures, lifestyle hacks, and original mini films created and produced by yours truly. The common theme?
All content will be designed to help you find your happy!
Remember it's your life, they're your choices and nobody can give you your freedom but you--so keep a look out in the next couple of weeks for some original content, let us know what you think, and subscribe here.
Much love to you all and thank you for being a part of this new chapter!
Best,
Jenniffer
What Now? 6 Things You Can Do Daily To Advance The Feminist Agenda After The March
It’s January 23rd and two days ago millions of women marched in my unofficial hometown of Washington, DC and hundreds of cities across the world for the Women’s March. I was upset to miss it because the protest was in support of virtually all of the issues that are important to me as an American woman. Particularly close to my heart however, is the feminist cause.
You see, I’ve lived in Hong Kong for about 7 months now and while the culture shock has been significant—way more so than in any of the other countries I’ve lived—where I feel most out of place most often is oddly enough during conversation with other expats when I proudly state that I’m a feminist. The comment is usually received with the same puzzled look that dogs give their owners when they pretend to throw the tennis ball but hide it in their pocket instead and they’re left wondering how it magically disappeared.
I don’t look like I’m being oppressed. I’m white, college educated and in a stable relationship. I’m my own boss, make good money, travel when I want to, and to the surprise of some, often choose to do so alone. Why on earth would I feel so passionate about furthering the feminist agenda if there seems to be no obvious need for 'feminism' in my daily life? Where exactly is my struggle?
Well, for starters, the world is becoming a scary place right now and I happen to reside here and care about people other than myself. I also happen to believe that it got to this scary place because we as a society have misguidedly defined leadership through the lens of virility for too long. The the ‘take! take! take!’ approach championed by conscience-less capitalism and power play politics which is so attractive to men as an extension of their natural biological directive to conquer/spread their seed has also led us to erroneously define success as the positive result of a zero sum game rather than the result of a win-win collaboration.
Whether you believe in traditional archetypes or not, we’re in a tough spot and it wasn’t because women were running the show. However, as feminists we must also assume responsibility for letting things get to this point and must diligently work to change that as soon as possible.
I firmly believe that in order to restore balance, one of the most important things that we have to work towards is the achievement of gender equality. In Chinese philosophical terms, we need more yin to balance all the yang in our world current order. Fortunately the millions of women (and men) marching all over the world this weekend showed us, if nothing else, that there are plenty of us out there who care enough to continue making a difference.
But how to move forward? How to shift that balance? How can we show up for feminism every day?
As a coach I always approach problem solving from an individual mindset perspective first and then build from there. Once an issue has been identified and understood, I encourage my clients to look for small, ‘palatable’ changes they can incorporate into their lives that will in turn make conscious action on a bigger scale more effective.
Oddly enough when thinking about this issue, I found some of my answers in those conversations with western expats I mentioned previously. I identified 6 specific things that we can do daily as feminists on an individual level to keep the momentum of our movement going strong and to keep our sanity as we work to build a better, more equal, future. They are:
1. Spend your energy wisely--understand you’re not going to convert misogynists. This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Denounce misogyny, yes. Try to talk somebody out of it? Good luck. With some folks, sometimes the best tactic is to wait it out a generation or two and let progress do it’s thing. Public opinion is shifting in our favor and will continue to do so if we focus our work on lifting each other up and on dialoguing with the non-believers who actually have the potential to become allies.
I’ve found that most of the decent people I’ve spoken to who don’t believe in feminism feel that way because they have an outdated definition of what it means to be a feminist or they don’t understand how bad things really are and how deeply entrenched the patriarchy is in our collective psyche.
Many people are reluctant to embrace feminism because they associate it with the notion that feminists are a bunch of man-hating women burning bras and screaming for equal rights while resorting to aggressive ‘masculine’ tactics to secure them. As feminists today we know that that couldn't be further from the truth and knowing that means part of our effort lies in raising awareness and doing so with an open mind and heart. That brings me to my second point...
2. Don’t be a tree with low hanging fruit. Particularly when engaging in conversation with folks who don’t believe in feminism it's easy to get frustrated. It’s important to keep our cool and not to take things personally. When we take things personally it's more likely that our emotions will get the best of us and we'll fight back on a personal level as well. When we let that happen, we make it easy for those we’re discussing with to shift the conversation from the subject of feminism to the way that we reacted while discussing it.
When we do that, we also make it easier for people not to question their beliefs and we put ourselves in the position of having to justify our behavior rather than our convictions. Don’t give non-believers an easy way out of such an important conversation by giving them some low hanging fruit to pick their way out of the discussion. Make them work for it. There’s too much at stake not to.
#3. Arm yourself with patience, facts, anecdotes and… questions. Because the last point is easier said than done, you will need patience to get through many conversations and you will need facts to support your points. Want an opportunity to express some of that pent up frustration and emotion? Channel it intelligently by sharing an anecdote of when you experienced or saw an indisputable case of sexism personally and how it affected you.
One of the most effective ways human beings share information is through stories. Stories are sometimes more powerful than statistics because they facilitate empathy. While it’s hard to empathize with numbers and statistics, it’s much easier to do so with Kate who was passed up for the promotion three times in favor of her other, less experienced and prepared male colleagues.
Was Kate’s story ineffective in illustrating your point? Perhaps a question is in order. Questions are a very powerful resource in debate because they help you to A) let your ‘opponent’ know you're genuinely interested in their opinion (which lowers their defenses) and B) force them to reflect on and clarify their stance in real time. Chances are, if their stance is half-baked and unclear, that will come to light and it will help you see where to take the conversation from there.
In order to achieve that though, it’s important that we:
#4. Listen--not to speak but to understand. Just because we happen to be fighting on behalf of equality which is a righteous and noble concept, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the people who don’t share our opinion are ignoble or evil. People will generally tell you everything that you need to know about them if you listen carefully enough.
We should listen to their words and to their body language. We should develop the skill of uncovering hidden objections and unspoken truths. If we do, we will realize we have more in common with each other than we may initially imagine. Remembering that will help us engage people more effectively in spirited debate since our approach won’t feel as antagonistic. As the marchers in London so kindly reminded us, this work is about building bridges, not walls.
Now that the talking bit is out of the way, let’s move on to the more action-based items on the list.
#5. Be solutions oriented and do. While so much of the work related to feminism has to do with the generation of awareness, the work definitely doesn’t stop there. It’s crucial that we walk the talk. It’s important that we invest our time, money, and energy doing things to further the cause. We should write, volunteer, support woman-owned businesses, vote, and mentor when we have the opportunity to.
There are too many feminists out there stuck in the cycle of militantly complaining on social media. Justifiably so, but merely complaining nonetheless. As I mentioned earlier, highlighting injustice is important for building awareness and many of us are pretty great at doing so in the comfort of our own homes shielded by the safety of our keyboards. What would happen if we spent a portion of that time and energy actually being proactive rather than reactive though?
Also worth noting? Facebook's algorithm is designed to show us more and more of what we want to see so our efforts to raise awareness are likely falling on ears already friendly to the cause.
It is equally important that we do something to fight the current status quo. The Women's March was an amazing first step for many of us but protesting is effective only when it’s followed up by sustained and focused action. There are a million ways to actually live feminism. It’s time for all of us to get a little bit uncomfortable and get a little more committed.
That extra dollar spent at a woman-owned local business instead of a Walmart may hurt a little as it leaves our hands but it will make a difference. That extra half an hour a week spent on mentoring a recent college graduate will as well. It is our duty to create those opportunities to practice what we preach and to lead by example.
On a final note, as women and as feminists it is important that we:
#6. Be good to other women and to ourselves. I find this one particularly interesting lately because I’ve seen some of the staunchest feminists I know publicly shaming other women online for their choice of dress, career, lifestyle, or men among other things. As feminists, it’s important that we not partake in the petty jokes, demeaning comments, slut shaming, or judgment of other women that is so prevalent in our society…with each other and especially in front of men.
Although it can seem harmless at the time, even the slightest 'colorful' and misplaced comment makes it harder for us to progress as a whole. Yes, that even includes comments about easy targets like Kim Kardashian and now Melania Trump. We must remember we’re all in this together. How do we expect the men of the world to respect us if we don’t respect each other?
We mustn’t forget that this extends to our treatment of ourselves as well. It’s been said that in a society as twisted as ours, self-love is a revolutionary act. As revolutionaries we must beat the patriarchy by stopping the negative self-talk, treating our bodies like the beautiful temples that they are, and losing the comparison syndrome. Contrary to what we're being sold by the media every day, we're enough just the way we are and we should act accordingly.
--
I have every hope that this past weekend's march heralded the beginning of a new era for feminism worldwide and I hope that these 6 points help you be a more effective feminist moving forward. We have a long road ahead of us but I'm convinced we will achieve great things together if we stay on message and lean on each other for support.
Namasme.
**I picked 'Quiet' by MLCK as the song for this post because I came across the video from the march I also shared with you on my news feed. The performance you see was never rehearsed live. Those women practiced online and came together to sing this beautiful and powerful song for the first time together in DC this weekend. There are no words to express what listening to that made me feel. If you'd like to support MLCK be sure to buy the original track (you can listen to it below the vid) by clicking here.**
***The image I used for this blog belongs to my friend Rachel Cargle who started an intersectional activism collective to give ALL women a platform to have their voice heard called The Ripple. You can follow them on IG @the.ripple.***
Thank God for 2016
Looking at my newsfeed I think it’s pretty safe to say that most people I know can’t wait for 2016 to be over. 2016 was the year we lost Bowie, elected Trump, and allowed Aleppo. The world it seems, has gone mad.
To make matters worse, as soon as I started thinking about writing this piece, I went online briefly and read that George Michael, and with him it seems like the music itself, died. Not going to lie, the frustration mounted and I doubted whether to continue.
Being the silver linings enthusiast that I am though, I couldn’t just accept the idea that 2016 was just the worst year ever. In my mind, nothing is ever really ‘the worst’. To think so means you’re lacking in either perspective or imagination…
So, after some serious thought I’d like to share with you three reasons, other than all the positive stuff that happened this year (yes, there were positive things) why I’m actually happy that 2016 happened. With them, my aim is to offer you a different perspective and hopefully give you some hope for the future.
Reason #1: Energy. (This one is a bit technical but bear with me) In physics, the law of energetic conservation states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it transforms from one form to another.
In essence, life can be boiled down to a continuous and cyclical exchange of energy between already existing particles. For this exchange to be possible there are two types of energetic reactions: anabolic and catabolic.
Anabolic reactions build larger compounds and molecules from smaller ones. To do this, they consume energy. Catabolic reactions, on the other hand, break down molecules and release energy by breaking down complex molecules to simpler compounds.
Simply put, what anabolic reactions create and grow, catabolic ones disassemble and destroy.
Worth noting? If the law of energetic conservation holds true, then it is the energy released during catabolic reactions that enables anabolic ones to happen because they require energy. Without one we cannot have the other.
For example, by now we know that for your body to function correctly it must be in a constant state of cellular regeneration. This means that cells have to be perpetually dying to create room for new ones to fill their place. If they don’t, mutations or conditions like cancer often develop. The end result? Death and destruction at a higher level (organs, organ systems, bodies).
Because we usually associate growth as being good and death as being bad, it’s easy to fall into the trap of unfairly judging anabolic energy as positive/desirable and catabolic energy as negative/undesirable. Understanding the science behind it helps us realize that it’s wrong to do so.
So what would happen if we looked at today’s current events under this lens? What if all the crap that happened this year is simply a much needed catabolic reaction to create space for new growth? What if our current way of living, spending, and being has simply run its course? Could it be possible that it’s time to create room for a new way? Our belief systems change as our values do. If anything, what’s happening right now is a great excuse to take a look at what those values are and if we need to re-evaluate their importance.
After all, we co-created this mess we’re in whether we want to admit it or not. The silver lining? That takes me to my second point:
Reason #2: Distance. We live in an era where boredom rarely exists. We have access to entertainment 24/7 through our many devices and are constantly bombarded with information packaged cleverly to feed our growing information addiction. We compulsively use our phones to fill our time because being bored is not an option when you can escape your reality and step into the lives of others through the simple click of a button.
Needless to say, our ability to reflect has been compromised by our constant pursuit of external stimuli. By constantly focusing outwardly, we have largely ignored our own internal GPS.
But hey, this isn’t a sermon on how we allowed Putin or Rupert Murdoch and his media buddies to collectively screw us. Our brains are, after all, a muscle. It just so happens that to our detriment, the information most easily accessible happens to be stuff that is highly entertaining but not very useful.
We have in essence been going to the entertainment gym for the last 15 years and because of it, we didn’t realize just how bad things have been progressively getting in our country and the world around us.
Because of this perfectly normal human tendency to follow the path of least resistance, personal growth tends to be cyclical in nature as well and the cycle usually looks a bit like this: We’re happy —> it hits the fan —> we take a step back and try to make sense of what happened —> as we gather our thoughts we realize a couple of important things that inform our choices in the future—> we make different choices —> we move on with a new level of self-awareness and grow from the experience —> we’re happy again. If we’re doing it right, as we get older, we also get better at making some of that sweet proverbial lemonade.
As a coach it’s not by coincidence that most of my clients come to me after having some sort of a crisis or when they find themselves at an important crossroads in their lives usually caused by external factors—the relationship, the job, the accident, the death in the family. You see, when things are good we rarely take the time to reflect on why that is. Why would we? We’re too busy smelling the roses and enjoying the ride!
2016 was the moment we were rudely awakened, forced to think, and get some distance. We’re now awake and aware. There’s no turning back. We simply cannot become unconscious of what we learned this year and that’s a good thing. That leads me to my third and final point…
Reason #3: Clarity. It’s very hard to solve a problem you haven’t defined. 2016 leaves us with a pretty clear to do list for 2017. Black Lives Matter, Brock Turner, Trump, Aleppo and Standing Rock among others forced us to look in the mirror for the first time in a long time and to realize we have some serious issues to work out as a nation. 2016 gave us the map. What we do with it now, is up to us now so I propose that we take a coaching approach to 2017.
It’s time to begin that process of reflection, healing, and purpose-driven action that will enable us to move forward with a renewed sense of hope and unparalleled vigor. It’s time to stop pointing fingers and assume the responsibility that we all have in this. And hey, if this didn't inspire you enough, just keep in mind we still have Betty White. ;)
Namasme.
**(I picked I've Got To Go On Without You by Shirley Brown because she sings about moving on better than most and I've been on a soul and blues binge for a week now. Enjoy!)**
What To Do About The Annoying People in Your Life...
"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances..."
And oh, how right The Bard was. In this day and age though, even if we still have heroes, villains, lovers and everything in between, those entrances and exits are a little less clean cut that what I can imagine good ole' Shakespeare witnessing and scripting in the 1500's... Through social media we're hyper-connected so the community of 'players' we interact with on a daily basis is much larger and infinitely more complex than Shakespeare's.
In fact, as a modern human, you're likely find the following characters or a variation of them in the play that is your life (starting with the antagonists/villains):
The person you gave your all to and it wasn’t enough to keep them interested in a relationship...
That person who still thinks that you’re in love with them even though it’s been years, you’ve moved on, and it couldn’t be further from the truth...
The person who owes you an apology but still hasn't had the courage to ask for your forgiveness...
The person who always needs and gladly takes your help but who is incapable of reciprocity...
The person in your family or group of friends who knows just the right buttons to push to make you feel small...
The person who you feel obligated to keep in your life because you have history even though you feel like you no longer have anything in common with...
That person who makes you feel like life isn’t fair. They’re better looking, more successful, infinitely cooler, and so nice you can't hate them...
That person who has a ‘perfect relationship’ and it reminds you of how imperfect everything is in your own existing relationship or that being single sucks...
That person who has really lived life on their own terms and has had the courage to make moves you never felt capable of making yourself...
The person whose love you feel like you don’t deserve and it makes you feel guilty...
The person who after decimating your heart into a million pieces moved on faster than you did...
The person who you gave your trust to and who violated it more than once...
That person who made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough…In work, in life, in love...
The person who never liked you and you never understood why. You were always nice, you were always open, you were always willing...
That person who you were a shitty friend to and who you desperately miss and wish you could show how much you’ve grown and changed...
The list goes on.
Like I said previously, if you’re the average person, chances are that many of 'these people' exist or have existed in your life. That means that A) you're probably one or more of 'those people' in somebody else's life and B) that 'those people' probably have these same people in their lives too. It helps to remember that.
It also helps to remember that these people are just people. People who are also trying to figure out this thing called life. People who are who they are and whose lives have no bearing on yours unless you allow them to. In fact, whatever meaning they bring to your experience is actually something that you gave them. What do I mean by that?
Well for starters, no, you actually don't hate (insert name here). You hate that when they're around or when you think of them you feel (insert negative emotion). People aren't emotions, they're people. We have a tendency of making them interchangeable and it causes us a lot of unecessary grief.
Please know that these people are in your life for a reason and that reason is to provide contrast and opportunities for growth. The people in your life who trigger negative emotions inside of you are actually just symbolic of something that is actually already happening inside of you. A reminder of an old wound that needs healing or of your over-active inner critic who is actually there to try to protect you.
So what to do? How to manage the presence of these unsavory characters in our life?
Well, if you don’t have to, don’t. Starting in social media land, the 'unfriend' and 'unfollow' features on Facebook come in handy for that. There’s no need to subject ourselves daily to negative triggers if we don’t have to… Especially from people who we don’t really spend time with in person anyway. It's time to give our inner masochistic-online-stalker-selves a rest. Poor things have been on overdrive for quite some time now.
However, seeing as that isn’t the only or even a sensible solution, particularly when some of the people in question are in our families, close groups of friends, etc., it serves us to realize that if we're going to give these folks energy, then that energy should at least be productive.
For example, if 'Mary', who makes you feel insecure makes an appearance in your mind, get curious as to why that is.
Observe your feelings, name them, and try to understand where they really stem from. What is it about this person that makes me feel this way? What do I feel like I’m lacking and how can I source it in my life so that I won’t continue to have this reaction? Is it security? Acceptance? Love? Dig my friend. Dig deep enough and I promise you will find!
If 'Joseph' (guess we're feeling biblical here) serves as a reminder of a part of your past or present that you wish you could re-do or change, then focus on what you can actually do to change it moving forward. Were you a shitty friend to this individual? Forgive yourself and look for the positive things that you learned from that experience/person. The relationship may be unsalvageable but that doesn't mean all is lost.
For example, in this particular case you’ll find that the experience actually taught you that being a good friend is important to you. It also helped you define what friendship really means because it is where you failed. Do you define friendship as words? Actions? Feelings? Knowing that is something that isn’t just useful, it’s something that you can infuse all of your current relationships with and doing so will make you a better human.
Life is too short to live in the past or to fall prey to comparison syndrome. Both will rob you of your happiness faster than you can imagine. Both also require energy which you could be using to build the life you actually want to live.
On that note, if you insist on focusing on others, then why not focus on the 'players' in your life who help you feel empowered, light, and happy, happy, happy? (The heroes or trusty sidekicks if you will)
You know, the person who always leaves you more energized after a conversation on the phone, a quick coffee, or a three hour crying session?
That person who you know will pick you up at the airport no matter what time it is or who will dog sit even though they’re allergic to pets?
That person who you can sit next to for hours and talk, do nothing, read, or just ‘be’ with with no pressure to ‘perform’?
The person who makes you feel like anything is possible. The one who allows you to dream out loud and who actually encourages to follow those dreams?
That person who makes you feel smart? Beautiful? Sexy? Wanted?
The person who asks real questions and who listens with real interest to what you have to say?
That person who inspires you to be a better version of yourself but who always makes you feel like you’re enough just the the way you are?
The person who personifies kindness and who brings it out in you when they’re around?
That person who makes you think a little bit deeper… About life, about work, about love?
That person who gives you a good dose of perspective wrapped in a sandwich of love and carefully crafted advice when you need it most without being righteous or preachy?
That person who will listen to you say things that are so horrible you’re afraid to voice them out loud but who you know won’t judge you for saying them?
The person who is familiar with your shadow side and doesn’t allow anybody, not even you to define yourself by it?
That person who looks at you like you’re magic? The one who at times knows you better than you know yourself and who loves you to the moon and back for it?
Again, the list goes on.
At the end of the day where you spend your energy is entirely up to you. However, I would be totally remiss if I didn't at least encourage you to consider spending your energy on the single most important person in your life. You know, the one you see in the mirror every day when you brush your teeth and get ready to 'adult'.
They’re the best and deserve a little recognition once in a while too.
Don't make me re-send that memo. ;)
Namasme.
(I picked 'La Yugular' by Alex Ferreira y El Frente Caribe as the song for this entry because it is what I'm sure many people wish they had the guts to say to a former lover who did them wrong. It is by all means a happy goodbye full of irony and colorful metaphors. The lyrics are hilarious and very very on point. I promise next post will feature a song in English for those who aren't Spanish speakers!)
What The Obama White House Taught Me About Being a Woman
‘other women are most of the time a woman’s worst enemy.’
My heart sank when I heard those words coming from the mouth of someone who I respect and admire. Why? Because I could actually understand where she was coming from. Not too long ago, those words could’ve easily come out of my own mouth. The ugly truth is that I saw myself in those words and it felt strange. It hurt because now I know just how untrue they are. In fact, if 2016 taught me anything, it was the power of female friendship (yay Meufs!) and it showed me the magic that happens when women decide to support each other. In short, this was the year I drank the modern feminist Kool-aid.
Earlier this year, I had the honor and the privilege of being invited to and attending the first ever women’s conference hosted by The White House called The United State of Women. The conference gathered women from all over the country and the world who were leaders in their fields and working towards progressing gender equality. You had civil rights advocates, entertainers, politicians, CEO’s, scientists, educators, artists. Virtually every group you can think of was represented by the speakers or by the attendees. Single women, married women, divorced women, gay women, straight women, trans women, virtually every shape, size, color, and flavor you could think of. While the speakers like Oprah, Michelle Obama, and feminist titan Gloria Steinem were all impressive, I have to admit I was equally blown away by some of the incredible females I met as attendees.
The energy was powerful, positive, and most importantly, open. Dialogue flowed, compliments were traded, business cards were exchanged, people were connected, friendships were forged…effortlessly.
I realized that the one thing that all these women had in common was the fact that they were comfortable being themselves and understood that we share a common desire and mission. We were there because we were all proud feminists.
That fact superseded who had the more impressive job title, foundation, bank account, dress, or looks. It feels almost silly to note but we mustn’t underestimate how society’s standards and artificial constructs of ‘worth’ change our perceptions and therefore behavior in social situations. We are socialized into being competitive with each other and have a tendency to turn to judgment when someone's mere presence makes our own inadequacies surface and we feel insecure.
But why? Why do we insist on putting up walls when we should be breaking them down? Why do we preemptively and unfairly judge when we feel like we have reason to be judged?
Sure, there were women far smarter, more beautiful, more impressive, infinitely more successful than I am at the conference. Did that matter though? No. It didn't matter because little ole' me was the last thing on my mind when I was there. I didn't feel threatened because it was the work that mattered. For a moment, I was able to get over myself and really focus on the bigger picture.
Back in the real world this lead me to wonder why I hadn't come to this realization sooner and this strongly before. I had developed strong female relationships, even ran a women's group. I thought I was over the whole 'insecure' thing generally speaking. But this was different. I don't know how to explain it but it was.
So... What about my pre-conference past had been so different? Why hadn't I experienced that moment of clarity before?
Turns out, part of the answer lay in the fact that I was too wrapped up in my negative narrative about women in general for too long to see that I'd been projecting my own insecurities onto virtually all new females coming into my life. I’d also allowed society to subconsciously reinforce the myth of the bitchy woman over and over again. In fact, had you asked me three years ago if I would be involved with or simply attend a conference like The United State of Women, I would've probably laughed at the idea and made a comment about preferring to avoid large groups of females in the name of self-preservation.
You see, although my views have changed significantly in the last two years, for the vast majority of my life I was what most people refer to as a "guys girl". I was raised with all boys and have what I've been told is a very masculine energy. In our society this translates to “you’re confident, direct, ambitious, and have no issues asking for what you want.” Even though those are human traits that aren't gender specific, I have to admit that I felt a weird sense of joy in considering myself ‘different’. 99% of my friends were male and life, as I saw it, was simpler that way. I was perfectly happy living in my woman-free bubble.
Due to this and because growing up and until recently I had some unpleasant experiences with other females, my ego’s attempt to protect me led me to buy into the story that women were more trouble than they were worth. Females were dramatic, fussy, duplicitous, unsupportive, and jealous humans. By having preconceived notions about what I could expect, I'd always approached other women with a solid guard up.
Don't get me wrong, I'd always been nice and very friendly, but getting to know the real me wasn't ever on the table, even for some of those closest to me. This caused me to feel lonely and progressively more resentful, insecure, and quite frankly made me a crappy friend to some of the women of my past. When I saw a strong, intelligent, and beautiful woman there was a part of me that resented her. I wanted to be like her and because I felt it wasn’t possible, I judged her and myself negatively for it.
Funny. Everything that I conveyed to others was simply an amalgamation of all the things that I felt were lacking in me.
I giggle when I think of that now but those feelings were very real and the consequence of living in a world where the media feeds everyday women like me different flavors of ‘you’re not good enough’ daily and from a very young age. Even though I’m NOT 5’9, NOT a Silicon Valley CEO and still feel insecure sometimes, today I feel strong, beautiful, and intelligent and I’m not going to lie, it feels damn good.
Now when I see a woman who has traits I admire, I take a moment to dream a little and wish her well. Truth is, as women we’re in this together and the only way we’re going to create lasting change where feminism as a movement will be a thing of the past will be if we connect with that higher purpose... If we begin to focus more on our shared struggle rather than in the differences that trigger such unhealthy emotional responses we will realize that those pesky doubts are inside of all of us. If we start exercising the ‘I’m good enough’ muscle in our brains we'll be able to come to terms with the fact that it's ok to not be the most beautiful, smart, or successful woman in the room. Matter of fact, it's impossible.
The contrast in our lives provides valuable opportunity for growth. We need to take advantage of it. When we do, we'll realize that our self worth is nothing to be sourced externally and we will begin to really understand and own our personal power. When we do, the world will inevitably change and there will be nothing to stop us.
So in conclusion, thanks Obama. You, Biden, and Michelle helped me prove that my friend at the beginning of this post was wrong. Other women aren’t the problem holding us back. Our worst enemy isn’t even the patriarchy we’re trying to destroy--if we really band together, it doesn’t stand a chance anyway.
Our worst enemy will always and forever be ourselves. The good news? We can be our own best allies too.
The way I see it we have a choice. We can continue to be a part of many measly two-person teams with our egos and let them, and a bunch of dudes create our future or we can can join the most powerful squad on the planet and do some amazing things.
The future is female. The sooner we embrace and honor that fact, the sooner we’ll see the change we so desperately want to see in the world.
Namasme.
*A special shout out goes to two of the wonderful ladies I met at the conference: Abby Finkenauer, young and incrediby smart and driven Iowa legislator and Shay Spaniola, Founder and CEO of Bunglo, a heart driven and divinely inspired homegoods business.
(I picked Soy Yo by Bomba Estereo as the song for this post because it's unapologetic, catchy, and all things playful, quirky, and happy latino woman in a song. Hope you enjoy!)
Valuable Lessons Learned From The Shit Show That Was The American Election
The results are in. The American people have spoken. The world is in shock.
Regardless on where you fall in the political spectrum or if you even voted in this election at all, the consequences of today’s decision in the United States will have an impact on your life in one way or another. Before you allow yourself to despair or gloat, please remember that the country was basically split 50 - 50. This wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination a landslide for either party. If we are to move forward as a nation, we need to stop, think, and process what happened without our emotions clouding our judgment. Because of this, I invite you to join me in this exercise in reflection. The interesting part of the conclusions I arrive at is that they all apply to our lives as individuals when we fall in times of crisis as well, not just to the United States today. Consider this politics through a coaching lens. With that said, here are 3 of the major lessons I am taking with me from the election.
The Blame Game is Pointless, Building Concensus Requires an Inclusive Approach--It’s the fault of the racists. The misogynists. The third party voters. The ignorant folks who don’t know better. Everybody on the losing end of this election on my newsfeed seems to have identified a culprit. I personally find it very hard to believe that all 47.7% of the population of the United States that voted for Trump voted explicitly for those reasons.
I also happen to know decent people who voted for Trump. Their reason? Washington is rotten. It’s better to pick the crazy guy, see the system explode and pray for the best than continue on the current path of what they see as hubris being packaged as progress. I don’t happen to agree but I can’t bring myself to say that it’s totally unreasonable.
As I mentioned in a previous post about Trump, it would have benefited us to reconsider turning up our noses at Trump supporters and dismissing their views so quickly as illegitimate, ignorant, or “evil”. I believe more in the power of empathy than I do in the allure of the moral high ground. Particularly when the moral high ground is only something that people consider an option when their basic needs are being met. Who gives a fuck about climate change when I’m high school educated, just lost my manufacturing job and have a family of four to feed? Our failure as a country to see the validity of these grievances and to acknowledge them caused us to be out of touch with the reality of a large percentage of our people.
Had we adequately addressed income/educational inequality and special interest politics in Washington as a nation, the people that chose Trump for reasons like race and gender wouldn’t have made an impact on the election because there wouldn’t be that many left. Their views and voices may have been emboldened this time around by the rhetoric of their candidate but we cannot run from the responsibility that we carry as a nation to have dealt with these issues sooner. The fact that most college educated people in the country voted for one candidate over the other says little about the candidates themselves and says everything about the state of our education system.
It’s up to us to demand education reform and to WORK for it. As our economic and military power start to diminish, it’s our only hope of keeping our position of privilege in the state of world affairs.
Listening is Important--Trump drove home strong messages on immigration and the economy. Whether they have any validity isn’t the question. He managed to tap into the single most important fear that the Americans not living on either coast have… Their livelihoods are at stake. Ask the folks in Midwest. The reality they face is very different from the one that most of us reading this encounter every day.
Although Clinton is known for being an excellent listener, her campaign failed to understand the one thing that really mattered to folks who lived in key swing states. The Economy. By spending resources attacking Donald Trump on his character while hers is considered questionable by scandals as well, the Clinton campaign missed a valuable opportunity to connect with undecided voters on an issue that affects them every day… An issue where things weren’t personal and where a direct approach may have just done the job. Also worth noting? Not all Trump supporters live under a rock and if they didn’t respond initially to attacks on his character, doing more of that was unlikely to shift things in her favor.
Authenticity Matters--I know this one is bound to raise some eyebrows because Trump is involved and has been repeatedly caught contradicting himself and lying to the press and to the American people. It became abundantly clear very early on in the race that Trump would say and do whatever it took to get elected. Some of supporters weren’t blind to his lies, they just didn’t care. Is it unfortunate? Yes. But did we bother asking why? Because he never tried to pass himself off as anything other than the guy that was going to shake things up and he already did. In their eyes, mission accomplished. Washington is getting the finger for the first time in our nation’s history.
Even though I have a tremendous amount of respect for Hillary Clinton’s work ethic, devotion to improving life for women and children, ability to get things done, preparation and political acumen, I wouldn’t say authenticity is what she conveyed to me as a candidate. Hillary was willing to do anything to get elected too, she just didn’t feel comfortable admitting it and that worked against her.
I have to admit I’m personally deeply saddened by today’s election result because many of the issues I really care about that were on the ballot have now been left in the air or are in danger. I don’t think Trump is what we need and I'm convinced he won’t deliver. I would have preferred a Clinton presidency. I would have loved to see a woman break a glass ceiling that I fight against every day myself. Now that it didn’t happen though, I’m left with a lot of questions and the food for thought I have offered you today.
In the book, The Art of War Sun Tzu states:
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a 100 battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself you will succumb in every battle.”
It’s time for us to get to know ourselves again America, we’ve got a nation to heal and a future to build. The only way for us to move forward is to admit where we are and to change our approach.
Namasme.
(I picked Pavane Pour Une Infante Defunte because it captures my mood both in tone and in title. America’s democracy as we knew her died today. The system is rotten. We need a change. The silver lining? Americans are industrious. Americans are resilient and creative. I remain hopeful.)
The 7 Pillars of an Epic Jam Session: An Abridged Life Manual
I haven't been on a stage professionally in three years. I haven't written a song in 18 months. I haven't been in a recording studio for as long as I can remember and I haven't done anything music-related regularly (other than listen to it) in a very very long time. However, like with all things that are meant to be on your path, music keeps finding its way back to mine and I couldn't be any happier.
For the last three months, I've had the pleasure of witnessing and partaking in some truly magical musical moments. From soulful performances at the Caveau Des Oubliettes with strangers to impromptu karaoke in front of the opera house and random freestyling by the river Seine, the magic of music keeps enriching my Parisian experience more and more often and in a way I've never felt before.
So why were these moments different? Why do they feel unique and stand out in my memory more than most formal concerts I ever did? Why do I feel infinitely more inspired today than I ever did when I was recording an album and working on television? I think the answer is abundantly clear. None of those things were planned and all of them were 100% authentic.
ALL of them were born out of the deep love for music the people involved shared and the joy we all expressed while performing together. There were no expectations. There were no rehearsals. All there was was a desire to play and a desire to share. The rest was unscripted and it was wonderful.
You'd think I'd leave it at that but being the humanity geek that I am, I had to dig deeper and find the reason why those moments were so wonderful. To my surprise, the things that make an impromptu music experience or a jam session good, are exactly the same ones that make life worth living. Check them out for yourself and see if you agree:
The 7 Pillars of An Epic Jam Session: An Abridged Life Manual
Be present: The beauty of a good jam session lies in the improvisation created by the chemistry between participants. In order to make magic, you must be fully present. Only then will you be able to understand each of your collaborators' energy and be able to flow with it. Energy, is like rhythm. Infectious. If you're not tuned in, you'll fall behind the music like a German tourist dancing reggaeton in the Caribbean. For anything to be truly satisfying in life, you must be present to enjoy it.
Be flexible: Nobody likes to jam with people who are too rigid or structured to the point where they make experimentation impossible. More often than not when you're jamming, a song that starts off sounding like something recognizable will end up being a surprise.
Some of the best moments in music come from moments where somebody in the band just takes off in a different direction because their muse pays them a visit. Call it inspiration, call it curiosity, call it testing the limits of the self. Whatever it is it needs to be integrated by the rest of group in the quickest and smoothest way possible in order to avoid any dissonance. This places a premium on flexibility. In life, like in music, being flexible is a great advantage because it makes you less vulnerable to your circumstances and environment.
Take risks: Jam sessions are largely enjoyable because they carry none of the expectations that shows do. There won't be a group of disappointed people if you perform poorly and nobody paid to get in. In essence, you don't owe anybody anything and that should feel damn good.
That said, with the elimination of expectations comes a freedom that should be taken advantage of, the freedom to risk! Because of that, jam sessions are the perfect opportunity to go out on a limb, to experiment, to 'screw up'. All jam sessions have a beginning, a middle, and an end and all lives do as well. What matters most in the end is how much you enjoyed the experience. If you risk nothing, you're likely to get a mediocre result. Are you ok with that?
Make room for others / Recognize its a group journey: Writing and playing on your own can be a lot of fun. That's true, and fine, and dandy. In my opinion it's not a true jam session unless you've got other's to play with though. On your own you miss out on so much of the growth and fun found in collaboration!
With that said and considering the previous pillar, it's important to note that for it to be a true collaboration everyone deserves their time in the sun so play nice and share the benefits of the spotlight if it lands on you. Nobody likes a microphone hog or a never-ending guitar solo unless you're Jimmy Page and you're playing Stairway to Heaven. Giving is oftentimes more satisfying than receiving.
Play on: Played the wrong chord or sang off key? Play on. Your friend screwed up a transition into another chord progression? Don’t sweat. Nobody likes to play with the guy who feels the need to correct everyone or stops playing when he makes a mistake. A good jam session stops for no one until the whole group is on board. Just imagine if we were to stop playing every time someone made a mistake with the music... The vibe, the chemistry, the magic(!) would be very hard to replicate and rebuild. In a jam session, as in life, the pursuit of absolute perfection is the enemy of fun and most importantly, impossible to achieve. Keep going.
Pick a good band: In a good jam session, as in life, it is crucial to surround yourself with people who understand that we are incredibly lucky just to be here. Look for people that practice the pillars we're describing here. Look for people with similar interests but also different outlooks to challenge yours. Look and surround yourself by better musicians and singers, you will only grow from the experience. You don't have to know each other to play well together. All you really have to do is come into the experience with a shared respect for each other and the desire to create and have fun. The rest is gravy. Now if I only knew that in high school...
Take a minute to take it all in and be grateful: The last but perhaps most important of the pillars in my opinion. Why? Gratitude invites more things to be grateful for in your life. By taking a moment to reflect and enjoy, you create a rose-colored filter through which you will see the world. The fact that you’re reading this means you’re alive and breathing. That alone is something to be grateful for. Why not start there and make a list? It may surprise you how long it is!
There you have them, I hope they prove useful to you.
It's been said that 'music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole and flows from the heaven into the soul'. I couldn't agree more. Music has been a key component of my journey into adulthood and into myself. Music is an integral part of who I am and will continue to be so in the future.
Moments like the ones I described at the beginning of this piece are what keep me curious and free-spirited. They teach me things about myself and life that I'm more than happy and honored to share with you. The more energy I devote to them, the sweeter they feel because they remind me of what really matters.
With that my friend, I ask you...
What is your 'music'?
What's the thing that offers you perspective in a unique way and connects you with life, others, and yourself? Whatever it is, give it your attention. It's bound to be rewarding. If the spirit moves you, write us and tell us what that is! We'd love to know.
Namasme.
(Cyrille Aimee is an extraordinary musician and singer whom I have much in common with (musicians, influences, performance style) but have never had the opportunity to meet. She learned many of her improvisation skills from Gustavo Rodriguez, a brilliant pianist who taught me a lot about Jazz and who I had the opportunity to sing with on more than occasion. Nuit Blanche is a beautiful example of what being present can create as she performs the whole song just her voice and a loop pedal.
We've Been Featured in Teen Vogue!
The idea for Namasme came to me during a meditation. As a matter of fact, most of my good ideas do. Truth is, without meditation I feel like my life would be completely different than it is now and not particularly in a good way.
Last month I was interviewed for Teen Vogue by one of the members of our women's group, Meuf on Top regarding my relationship with meditation. If you suffer from anxiety and feel like you've tried everything except meditation because it seems a bit 'out there', this is probably a good read for you. Enjoy!
Thanks Teen Vogue for the support! To find: 3 Foolproof Meditation Techniques That Will Help You Beat Anxiety, click here.
Namasme.
Trump, 'Those People', and 5 Things You Can Do About It
For months I've been all too proud to have been on the anti-Trump wagon. A wagon that seems to grow day by day as his chances of becoming president do as well. I’ve seen countless articles making fun of Trump and his constituents. I’ve engaged in more conversations than I’d like to admit about this topic and have definitely been a Trump basher from day one. As someone who takes pride in being open minded though, I've come to the realization that doing so is an unproductive enterprise and a waste of valuable energy. Why?
Because simply bashing something or someone is the easy way out.
Most people I know would agree that things have gone from being entertaining to downright scary as we consider the evermore viable prospects of having 'The Donald' leave Trump Tower and take residence in the White House for four years.
How did we get here? How is it possible that this isn't just a bad joke?
However, shaking our heads regarding this issue does us no good. Pointing fingers feeds the problem and while yes, many media outlets and polls indicate that Trump’s followers are uneducated, racist, and poor, does that make them less human? Does that make their Constitutional right to 'life, liberty, and a pursuit of happiness' any less valid?
Matthew MacWilliams, writing for Politico conducted a research study where he found that:
'the single statistically significant variable predicts whether a voter supports Trump—and it’s not race, income or education levels: It’s authoritarianism...Trump’s electoral strength—and his staying power—have been buoyed, above all, by Americans with authoritarian inclinations.'
Assuming that the aforementioned statement is true, it begs the question: What would ever compel citizens of a country built on the premise of Democracy and defined by personal liberty to want to give that up? Why would people want to hand over their rights so blindly and willingly? Where's the win?
MIT professor and intellectual Noam Chomsky, a personal hero of mine and one of the most brilliant minds of our time summarized my thoughts on the matter quite simply:
“Fear, along with the breakdown of society during the neoliberal period ... People feel isolated, helpless, victim of powerful forces that they do not understand and cannot influence.”
Fear is a powerful motivator. Fear has led us to wage senseless war too many times in our history. Fear forces us to think in ways where we play small. We forget that the things that make us great are our ability to connect, to build, to dialogue. We play to our insecurities and the world seems to be a much unfriendlier place than it really is.
If we're being honest with ourselves, we've all felt the strong grip of fear. We've all felt backed into a corner. We've all felt invisible at one point or another in our lives. We all have that in common so we should be able to relate to a certain extent.
The tricky thing about fear though, is that it often times makes us perceive danger where there is none and makes any sort of collaboration or productive dialogue very difficult. You don't need anybody to tell you that a future without collaboration and productive dialogue is a bleak one. We just need to turn to history to know that fear and specifically fear of the future leads to authoritarianism.
People who feel that they have everything to lose and no hope because they are disenfranchised due to their beliefs, economic situation, or education feel invisible. Regardless of what those beliefs are, as is the case with racism for example, we can all agree that feeling invisible is frustrating. Feeling judged and ill-served by your country will make anyone angry. Feeling like your voice doesn't matter is downright infuriating.
Enter Trump.
“Hi, you know me as this super successful guy. I just want you to know that I hear you. I see you. I agree that things are bad. I am angry too and I'm actually in a position where I can fix them."
The result?
Like any great leader, Trump has been able to rally people around a shared vision and message even if that vision and shared message is one that goes against the very ideals that American society was built on. Trump Mania is what it is because as a society we have failed to address some very serious issues and for that, we are all partially responsible.
Have you asked yourself what being on the ‘right’ side of the Trump debate means?
That your sad view of humanity has been confirmed? That you’re glad to not be ignorant, racist, poor, and uneducated? You know better and it feels good to know that you have a moral and intellectual edge. Congratulations. You can take solace in the fact that you're not one of 'those people'.
What exactly does that accomplish though? You're definitely not doing anything that will make a Trump presidency any less likely just by feeling superior.
Rather than turn up our noses and partake in some more us vs. them behavior that only feeds this negativity, it would behoove us to think about this a bit further. After all, for better or for worse, the Trump movement is a ‘thing’ that happened under our watch and as responsible Americans we have to do something about it. We must get to the root of the issue and understand that doing so will take time and complex analysis and that fixing it is a long term play that involves more than just the general election.
In order to stop this tidal wave of regressive thought and action we can start by being more conscious with our daily votes. What do I mean by that?
Well, we vote with what we watch on television, we vote when we decide where to spend our money, we vote when we ignore real connection to be more ‘connected’ on social media in thoughtless ways, we vote when we stay silent in the face of injustice. We vote when we ignore the poor, divest in education, and try to deal with racism by pretending it's not there.
The choices that we make have far reaching consequences and although some of us are able to discern the difference between a guilty pleasure and a healthy one, some people can’t. Regardless, we all consume the garbage that is being made to appeal to our basest levels of humanity.
We vote for more trash television by giving it the highest ratings. We vote for materialism, gender inequality, and by senselessly creating or promoting it on Facebook. We vote for ‘evil corporate America’ when we purchase things by just considering their monetary value and not their real cost.… We vote for social injustice with our apathy and our silence when we are faced with it. Like it or not, we are more than partially responsible for this ‘sh*t world’ that we complain about so much.
Our political system is broken and corrupt because of special interests and corporate greed. I think this election in particular has made us aware of that. Lobbyists buy votes in Washington and make decisions for us regarding everything from what we pay at the doctor’s office to what our children are being fed in school. That’s messed up. What’s more messed up though, is the fact we gave them and continue to give them the power to do so.
By spending our money in the Walmart’s, McDonald’s of the world we gave away our power and our voice. We, short-sighted decision after short-sighted decision, made our society what it is today and we have some serious work to do to fix it. Things have to change and while change is uncomfortable, it’s also necessary.
We can start by:
- Informing ourselves and our spending. We need to understand where our money is really going and support companies whose values actually align with the future we want to be a part of. We need to support local small businesses if we want to weaken the federal lobbying that has hijacked our democracy. We need to take back our power with every cent that we spend.
- Watching better television. Sure, The Real Housewives of whatever or The Bachelor may be entertaining to you because it makes you feel better about your life but does it really contribute anything of value to it? By celebrating drama for the sake of drama and senseless television aren’t we telling the media that that’s what we want more of? What is it going to be like in 10 years if we don’t? We owe it to the next generation to stop watching garbage.
- Being mindful of what we post and share on social media. Thanks to Facebook and other social media platforms, the effect that you have on the world can be felt by people all over the world. Make sure your message is worth it.
- Activating our voice. There’s a saying that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It's time to start squeaking about the things that are important to you and need to be changed. Political movements are created by people rallying behind a cause together and speaking out. Trump has successfully rallied enough of America to claim the Republican nomination, running on a platform of hate and fear. What would the world look like if we accomplished the same results with a positive message?
- Really committing. Real commitment implies action. You have four actionable items above. If you don’t like the status quo but keep supporting it through your decisions, you’re only going to have yourself to blame in the future. Our collective actions are the threads used to weave our societal fabric. We are the master weavers of the world that we are creating. This is a huge and also beautiful responsibility if we choose to accept and honor it.
We need more thought in our life. We need more conscience in our actions. We need to wake up and realize that we have a role to play and that our contribution is important regardless of how trivial it may seem at the supermarket, at home, or at the mall. The stakes are too high for us not to start today and start somewhere.
Namasme.
Meuf on Top
This one is for the ladies...
Meuf- [ mœf ]
noun, singular
1. verlanised form of femme.
2. woman, chick
Meuf on Top - [mœf an tap]
noun, singular
1. Carnal configuration that flips missionary sex on its head and puts you, woman, in total control.
2. The result of a scenario when your love handles have so much love to give that they peek out over the top of your tight pants, giving your lower back/butt the appearance of a muffin.
3. Badass female also known as a Unicorn Woman. If you're reading this and can relate, look in the mirror - We've been waiting for you....
--
Are you a woman who is curious, cultured, creative, and comfortable in your own skin? A woman who is ambitious but who doesn't take herself too seriously and who wants to share, laugh, and learn with/from each other women who inspire?
We have created a Facebook group so you can come share, play, and grow with us. The only condition? No negativity and no selling.
Interested? Shoot us a note at hey@namasme.com or through our book now button with your Facebook details so we can add you! We look forward to seeing you there soon.
Namasme.
Paris: Two Weeks Later
I went to a great concert on Saturday. That may not seem like a big deal to you but it was to me because I live in Paris and it’s been just two weeks since the city was shaken to its core by horrible terrorist attacks. Many people I know have been reluctant to hit the streets as they usually would in response to what happened. I have been one of them.
While the Eiffel Tower is no longer covered in red white and blue and conversation has shifted from terrorism to private sales and climate change, there’s still something different in the air. I notice it when I jog next to the Seine in the afternoon and when I go to the supermarket to get fruit.
Like I said though, I went out.
I went out regardless of the fact that I’ve been walking home past the Champ de Mars a little faster than before and no longer feel 100% comfortable riding the metro during peak hours.
I went out although I know my mother and my brother would both strongly disapprove of my choice to do so and I usually consider their wishes when making decisions that require second thought.
I went out to an Asian restaurant just a block away from Le Petit Cambodge where regardless of the beautiful conversation I was having over some delicious pho, I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when I noticed a big guy was sitting behind me because my back was facing the glass door/windows and I felt safer that way.
I went out to a small concert hall, not too different from the Bataclan where in the event of an emergency it’s doubtful that I’d be able to get out easily and that made me a bit nervous... I’d told my boyfriend that I would stand next to the emergency exit.
Most who know me would say my fears are justified. I grew up in Colombia during a time where acts of terrorism were a common occurrence in my native Bogotá. The 80’s and 90’s were after all a dark period for my country. Family friends were kidnapped, planes were bombed out of the sky, murders littered the papers daily. I remember my uncle’s friend being killed on the side of the road coming home from a hunting trip with his girlfriend. Living in fear became pretty normal.
I’m also a product of a generation old enough to remember the world pre-9/11 but young enough to have been just in high school when the towers went down. I was also too young to be able to discern just how much the world would change that day...
Fast forward fourteen years and I am now old enough to understand the politics of terrorism and I can understand things I didn’t when I was younger. I also understand that statistically speaking I stand a better chance of dying trying to move my sofa than I do by terrorist attack. Rationally speaking, I knew I had nothing to worry about.
That, however, didn’t make my decision to go out any easier. I feel silly saying it but it’s true.
So why did I go out?
I went out because I chose to take a stance for joy.
I went out because this is France and living is what the French do best and here, life doesn’t just mean get up, go to work, watch tv, go to sleep, rinse and repeat tomorrow.
I went out because as ridiculous as it may sound after barely three months, I already feel part Parisian. I know many expats here who feel the same way. This city has a remarkable ability to take residence in your heart quickly.
I went out because Bob Moses needed to be heard, girl talk needed to be had, and my friend’s engagement needed to be fussed over. My friend Nico was also in town and we needed to catch up.
I went out because it was Saturday and I live in the most beautiful city in the world and that’s cause enough for celebration.
Not only did I go out, I didn’t stand next to the exit. After just three minutes inside, I went into the middle of the crowd, closed my eyes, I danced my heart out for 2 hours, and felt grateful that when I opened them and looked around, I saw everybody else doing the same.
I went out because I had to. Because I spend my days helping people conquer their fears and I refuse to let this, the most beautiful chapter of my life so far, be defined by it. I have too much to celebrate and look forward to to focus on thoughts that aren’t going to help me move forward and build my future.
The lesson?
Fear begets more fear. More fear is the fuel of communication breakdowns and misunderstandings.
The thing about fear is she doesn’t always show up at your door step wearing flashing lights and screaming into a megaphone--she’s not always the most obvious of visitors... Perhaps that’s why she can be so damn hard to get rid of.
After this weekend, I can’t deny the fact that she’s there. She may have come in through the window and invited herself over for tea, but she’s most definitely not staying for dinner. I have Christmas trees to buy, weddings to attend, friends to see, and a company to keep building.
Life is good and I have every intention of it staying that way.
Namasme.
('Tearing Me Up' is one of my favorite songs off of the new Bob Moses album. They were the band I went to see this weekend. I dare you to listen and not dance!)
A Value Judgment
Election time is always an interesting time to study human behavior. I’ve found that this election cycle in particular, with its storybook cast of characters (caricatures?) on both sides of the isle has given ample material for observation and spirited discussions on the state of American society and the leaders that represent it.
One of the most consistent words thrown around during election cycles is one that I personally never gave much thought to until recently but is one that every single politician wears like a badge of honor and a personal identifier: values.
Both conservatives and liberals alike tout their values as 'American' and they love to speak about them as if they're these clearly defined and unanimously prioritized concepts in our lives. Sure, everyone celebrates freedom, believes in integrity, wants equality, strives for courage... Everyone loves all of the things that make (or made?) America great. However, what most people don't question is what those words mean to the different people who use them as their personalized battle cries in the political arena.
I think it's safe to say that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders probably have different ways of interpreting the meaning of these 'core' values but that's just speculation on my part...
Regardless, pretty much everything that has happened in the American political arena in the 239 years that we've been around as a nation provides a good example of how shifts in our collective perception determine which values dominate our public policy and what they actually mean to us at the time. They may drive us crazy during election time, we may be tired of hearing about them, but at the end of the day we actually pick what talking points our politicians use to court our votes.
Think about it. While our perceptions, actions, and resulting policies change as we claim to embrace our values, the values themselves never do. Our society and its progress have been defined by the same words over and over again and yet every time we fight a battle in the name of one of our values, we are fighting for something different...
For example, The Civil War, The Women's Suffrage Movement, The Civil Rights Movement, and more recently the fight in the Supreme Court for same-sex marriage were all fought in the name of equality yet equality meant something different every time.
Does this tell us that as we become more aware of our fellow brothers' and sisters' struggles the meaning of equality changes in our collective consciousness to reflect that and we act accordingly? What exactly does the word equality mean to Americans now? Why are we still dealing with discrimination, racism, gender-based wage disparities, and other issues that still fall under the equality umbrella? What's our next "fight" going to be and where do I sign up?
While I have no answers for the questions above, all this reinforces my belief that values are more flexible than we care to admit because they change as we do. In my own experience I've found that my relationship with my values changes much like our collective one does as a nation... New awarenesses bring new definitions. New definitions lead to new actions. New actions lead to new habits, or in the case of government, policies. The more I learn about myself and the role I play in the world and my community, the more I realize just how connected I am to everything and everyone else. That awareness alone informs my actions and what I define as important. More relevantly to this post though, that awareness also informs my vote. (Go Bernie!)
The last 8 years have led me to believe that sociopolitically we're slowly becoming more inclusive as a nation. We still have a long way to go but I have faith in the youth of this country to keep us progressing towards a better future. I meet people every day that inspire me to keep expanding my own perceptions and to be a better person. I think we're waking up and realizing that the rat race we're being sold as success isn't really what it's made out to be. We're all slowly coming to terms with the fact that to make it as a nation and as a planet, we have to look out for each other.
To me, a lot of the misguided and judgmental bullshit we're presented with every day by the media doesn't seem representative of our generation and how we feel about each other but I may be wrong. Regardless, and like the song I chose for this post, I remain hopeful. I can't help but wonder though...
What's going to happen to our political process if and when we realize that we're all more similar than we are different?
Namasme.
(Written and originally sung by the legendary Sam Cooke after an incident where he was refused a hotel reservation for being black, 'Change Gonna Come' became an anthem for the Civil Rights Movement after Cooke's death and when it was covered by Otis Redding. Otis Redding's version is one of my favorite songs of all time and a great song for this post because regardless of the pain you hear in his voice and in the lyrics, the message remains hopeful.... Like me!)
Because Sometimes What You See is More Interesting Than What You Have To Say...
In life you have to learn to pick your battles.
Proofreading this week's post and scanning through my pictures, I realized that what I saw at the Hirshhorn Gallery during a client session was far more interesting than what I wrote for you this week. To honor that and to share the experience with those of you who don't live in Washington DC and aren't able to visit the exhibits, here are some of my favorite pieces in the gallery. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
The pieces above are compelling visually, conceptually, and contextually. We see everything from an examination of nature to math to political and social commentary. Can this museum get any cooler?!
Hopefully this post inspires you to stay curious. To keep exploring. The earth isn't going to stop spinning for us to notice that the world we live in is a wondrous place!
Namasme.
(I picked Alt-J's Tesselate as the song this week because of the folk inflected dub-pop vibe but also because of the obvious reference to geometry. It's a wonderful track to listen to when you're thinking about something that requires concentration but don't want to resort to study music. Try it!)
The Tale of Larry The Bird: A Modern Day Fable For Basketball Lovers and Fearful Adults
Good news! This story has been published in Elephant Journal! To avoid ticking off Google's search bots, we've removed it from here but you can read it by clicking here.
Namasme.
(I picked this song by My Bubba because it captures the tenderness, the goofiness and beauty of Larry's journey with its laid back and delicious sound. For some reason when I hear it, even though it’s a tale of seeking forgiveness and not the lightest of topics, it makes me feel like everything's inevitably going to be fine. It's impossible to listen to and stay in a bad mood. If you can, check out the rest of the album Goes Abroader. It is a jewel and my new obsession.)
Why It's Time to Take Your Brain to Brunch
To know me personally is to know that I am an information junkie. Curious about practically everything under the sun, I spend a lot of my time reading, researching, talking to strangers, and doing anything I can to better understand the world around me and the people in it. Particularly interesting to me are things that have to do with the human condition and spirit. Because of this intense desire to understand, I've studied all the major religions, have embraced the New Age philosophy, and am dipping my toes into quantum physics and the different ancient civilizations and their spiritual traditions.
My newest venture down the rabbit hole of spiritual philosophies has taken me to the land of Hawaii (thank you Sharon-Ann Riley for planting that seed) and to what I thought was an ancient spiritual tradition but has, after additional research, turned out to be a philosophy developed by a man by the name of Max Freedom Long inspired by the spiritual practices of ancient Hawaiian kahunas. This philosophy is named Huna.
Huna is built on seven principles and while all of them are worth exploring, (to do so click here) there is one in particular that I'd like to share with you. The third principle of Huna is called Makia and it speaks to something I confirm on a daily basis and the general idea behind this post. Makia states:
Energy flows where attention goes
In essence, Makia tells us that whatever we spend most of our conscious and unconscious time thinking of, will grow in our individual reality.
Before you allow yourself to get skeptical or claim that this is too 'woo woo' (special shout out to all my pragmatist friends reading this), I invite you take a moment to do an exercise with me. Let's take as an example something that you would like to accomplish...
When you have that goal in mind, take a minute to analyze what your energy around that goal is like at the present moment and how it likely affects the possible outcome. Chances are your energy could be described with one of the three F's:
Focused- You've thought about it and you have a plan. You feel good about it and are fully engaged in the process of achieved said goal. You feel pumped and have moved from thinking to doing because your thoughts and actions are aligned and the transition is seamless. You see progress and this pushes you to keep going.
Fuzzy - You know what you want but your thoughts on how to get there are scattered. This also happens when you have a general idea of what you want but don't take the time to really develop a concrete vision. In either scenario, you can't seem to get any clarity on how to move forward and because of it you feel everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Your thoughts aren't committed and neither are your actions. You see mixed results and because of it your motivation falters and further feeds the cycle of uncertainty.
Failing - You are so busy focused on what you don't want that you actually haven't given any thought, energy, or action to what you do. The energy that your expending is in essence, failing you and counter-productive. Needless to say your results are sub-optimal and you're likely not very satisfied because of it. The more your energy is focused on what you don't want, the less space and energy you have to focus on what you do and start building from there.
So what would happen if we apply this principle to our lives in general? What sort of implications would it have?
Well, for starters the good news. We are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. All we need to do is focus, align, and do! This is good.
Because our attention drives our thoughts and our thoughts, as insignificant, meaningless, or fleeting as they may be are still consequential. Part of the limited amount of energy that we have available for creating our lives and future is spent on them. There is a definite trade off.
If we spend all day stuck to our phones busy looking at what other people are doing with their lives (or at least what they want us to think) and ignore our own real life journeys in the meantime, we're going to create more of exactly that. Less living and more browsing.
If we allow our society to shape and influence our thought patterns because we choose to passively participate and just go with the flow, if we spend countless hours of our lives watching guilty pleasure shows, if we keep indulging in selfiemania and counting likes on Instagram, we will end up being a product of it all whether we want to or not. I know I don't need to convince anyone on why that's a scary thought.
So yes, participate, by all means go to brunch. If you do though, do yourself a favor and leave your phone at home and take your brain with you.
If you can't find a brunch that refuses to accept your phone as a new appendage and requires you to be intellectually present and engaged in thoughtful and productive conversation, come to ours! We promise you can still have your mimosa. Can't promise there won't be a hangover but your brain and soul will leave adequately nourished and you might leave with a new friend or two. ;)
Namasme.
(Philip Glass is one of the most compelling composers alive. He was recently in DC and I'm super bummed I didn't get the chance to meet him. The man is a genius. This particular piece to me is a perfect example of what beautifully focused energy can accomplish in music. It's decisive but organic, it's a technical masterpiece but beautifully emotive as well. Needless to say, I'm a fan.)