So What's Next for Namasme? My Palm Will Tell You.

It may come as a shock to you but what you see here is my hand...Just two months ago, at the intersection of my pinky finger and my palm there used to be a pretty noticeable and to be honest, pretty gross looking callus. Contrary to what most of you who know me would believe since I have a thing for aesthetics, I was rather proud of that callus. You can kind of see the last of it in the picture but it’s mostly gone and while there is nothing really extraordinary going on, while looking at it today, I realized something that I want to share with you in hopes that it will be useful. At its core, this is a story about permission…

I left Bali on the night of Halloween and I’ve been back in the states for over a month and a half now. While the transition has been smoother than I imagined because I’ve spent most of my time in the countryside living in nature at our family farm (and I haven’t dealt with too much of the collective DC neurosis), I have to say there have been many moments where I get a pang of melancholy and I wish I was back in the place that has most felt like home ever.

When I do go into the city, the question I get asked most often is why I was crazy enough to leave paradise and come to the cold. Most of the time I’ve resorted to the easy answer which in this case means that it’s monsoon season and there was a volcano situation you may have heard about in the news. In other instances I talk about wanting to spend time with family and while both are true, the real reason I came back is a bit harder to explain but at the same time has been a wonderful lesson learned.

Truth is, I came back to the US because for the first time in my life I decided to give myself permission to consciously push myself to grow. I didn’t wait for it to hit the fan, there was no crisis to manage or run from, and there was no external circumstance or situation guiding my thinking and subsequent action. I simply took a step back, tried to observe my life as objectively as I could, and realized that it was time to go.

For how long? Who knows. Maybe a season? I’ve learned that with me, sometimes it’s hard to tell but at this point it’s irrelevant to the story. So back to that…

By any measure my life in Bali was idyllic. I was living in an incredible and relatively peaceful town called Ubud in the middle of the jungle surrounded by beautiful yogis, artists, musicians, and highly conscious folk. The food was incredible, I’d never felt better in my body or more creative, and the cost of living was incredibly low compared to American standards. Because Ubud is known as the spiritual center of Bali, I dove deep into my spiritual practice while I was there and experimented with all sorts of modalities ranging from sound healing to plant medicine. Even though I didn’t move there to ‘heal’ myself like many do, (that’s a story for another day) I ended up integrating a lot of things from my past and from an emotional standpoint grew more in the 8 months that I was there than in the last 33 years of my life.

It seemed like every couple of days there was a new discovery as I learned to look deeper and deeper inside of myself and slowed down. While I enjoyed many different types of activities there, the one that consistently fed my soul the most was going for long rides on my motorcycle. As I’d get lost in my thoughts, I’d get lost in the rice fields and country roads of the surrounding area feeling the wind in my face and the sun on my shoulders.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to go on 2 hour rides with no particular itinerary in mind because I relished the feeling of freedom and often cried happy tears inspired by the beauty of my surroundings and the fortune I had to be there. I often found that riding put me in a sort of mediative state because I was forced to concentrate exclusively on a task that required my full attention if it was to be done correctly and more importantly, if I was going to survive the crazy driving of the locals and a few overachieving expats. Because of that and the reasons I previously mentioned, I rode my bike as often as I could… So much so in fact that my right hand developed the small, round, and rather pronounced callus that I previously mentioned.

Rather than be grossed out by it and attempt to get rid of it, I wore it almost like a badge of honor because it felt like a permanent reminder of the goodness that surrounded me at the time. When my parents came to visit, I proudly showed it to my mom on the first day that she arrived. Needless to say, she was less than thrilled that her baby was scooting around town on two wheels…

Interestingly enough, it was during my parent’s visit that my feelings started to shift regarding my living situation. I noticed that while I had been basically blissed out for 8 months, I hadn’t done much with all of the goodness that I’d received to give back. My business was pretty much on autopilot at that point and completely referral based so other than being fully present for my existing clients during our sessions, I really didn’t really invest much time into Namasme or into any activity in gratitude of or to reciprocate my good fortune. I volunteered at a school/orphanage once in a while but that was nowhere near enough and that started to feel wrong.

Having my parents there I became acutely aware of just how badly the West and particularly the US needs consciously minded, happy, satisfied, and grounded people. Hearing about everything that was happening in politics and society, it became abundantly clear to me that to be truly useful (which is very important to me), I needed to spend some time here. I had to focus on growing/shifting Namasme so that I could help more people re-discover themselves and contribute my little grain of sand to the massive shift happening in this country and the world. The time for the shift from inward to outward had arrived.

As I have a tendency to do, I tried to ignore this new awareness for a couple of days because I was too comfortable and too happy where I was. Why on earth would I want to give that up?! I mean, I literally had physical manifestations of my happiness as my friend the callus could prove!

But no, as with all new awarenesses of the soul, you can’t unlearn something you’ve discovered. You can do your best to sedate yourself to not feel or to try to ignore it but your can’t unlearn it. This meant that after repeated attempts to do the latter, I eventually caved in and decided (against what at that time felt like my better judgment) to leave the place that taught me how to be 100% unapologetically myself to go back to a place that I had never related to positively and that was also all too familiar. The District. The same streets, the same restaurants, the same issues, the same conversations, the same power games, the same drinking culture, but a very different president. Ugh.

Much to my own chagrin (even though I secretly love it) my time here has shown me that I made the right choice. I now understand that my time in Bali taught me exactly what I needed and that the last lesson was when to know when to let go. I could have easily stayed there forever but my growth would’ve been stunted because there is a big world out there waiting to be discovered and many people to help with this remarkable skill set that is coaching.

You see, ‘me’ time is important because it offers an opportunity for introspection and if used correctly, some valuable perspective. More important than that however, is what you decide to DO with what you’ve learned. Focusing on ourselves is a wonderful and very necessary thing but I’ve come to realize that we shouldn’t do it at the expense of our understanding that we're a part of a community and as such have a responsibility to contribute what we can to make things better. The beauty of life is the dance between the two.

I’ve spent the greater part of the last three weeks planning 2018 for Namasme and I feel like I have a fire lit inside of me. I’m so ready and so excited for what’s coming I can’t wait for it to be January because I’m shifting gears a bit and will be putting myself back on stage for the first time in 5 years although this time it won’t be to sing or be on TV but to speak and hopefully inspire others with my journey and the things I’ve learned along the way. I hope you’ll join me!

I've also decided that in addition to my group programs and upcoming online courses, for every one-on-one client that comes in starting in January, I will offer a half cycle (3 months) of coaching to a person in need for free* as part of a Karma coaching initiative. I keep my practice small and coaching isn't cheap but that doesn't mean it should be inaccessible...Especially to those who could probably benefit from it the most. It's time to multiply the good juju!

So friend, now you probably understand why you were looking at a picture of my hand and why, when I do the same I feel a bit of melancholy but mostly pride again even though my noble callus is gone...Melancholy because I miss the sweetness of good times passed but pride for very different reasons than before. I feel pride in the fact that I willingly decided to leave my all too comfortable nest to venture back here and see what the future has in store not waiting for 'certainties' or answers before making a move, just following my instinct…Pride that I gave myself permission to grow and to change without waiting for life to push me…Pride that I’ve transformed from reactor to creator and that I’ve learned to trust myself, my abilities, and most importantly, the process… And ultimately pride because I can feel in my bones that I’m finally becoming the woman that I’m meant to be.

With that, I ask you friend. What are you not giving yourself permission to do in order to evolve and to embrace a new phase of growth? To look for a different job? To leave the unfulfilling relationship? To stop repeating the same tired narratives in your head about how life is so hard? To have that awkward conversation with that friend you have feelings for?

Have you considered what could be on the other side if you simply said yes to opening that door? Good, bad, or ugly I can guarantee you it will be worth it. Why? Simple…And I never give guarantees but in this case I can confidently state that it will, in one way or another help you, well… grow. ;)

Namasme.

p.s. I know I said I’m happy without the answers but if any of you do palm readings…

(I chose ‘Let Go’ By Justin Jay feat. Benny Bridges and Josh Taylor because it was a song I used to love listening too while riding my bike and the lyrics are quite a propos don’t you think?)

* If you're interested in being a Karma Coaching participant, please send us a note at hey@namasme.com

Why Empathy = Baloney

Everyone always talks about the importance of empathy... but there’s a better alternative to improve your relationships. Curious? Check it out and feel free to comment or share!

What To Do About The Annoying People in Your Life...

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances..."

And oh, how right The Bard was. In this day and age though, even if we still have heroes, villains, lovers and everything in between, those entrances and exits are a little less clean cut that what I can imagine good ole' Shakespeare witnessing and scripting in the 1500's... Through social media we're hyper-connected so the community of 'players' we interact with on a daily basis is much larger and infinitely more complex than Shakespeare's.

In fact, as a modern human, you're likely find the following characters or a variation of them in the play that is your life (starting with the antagonists/villains):

The person you gave your all to and it wasn’t enough to keep them interested in a relationship...

That person who still thinks that you’re in love with them even though it’s been years, you’ve moved on, and it couldn’t be further from the truth...

The person who owes you an apology but still hasn't had the courage to ask for your forgiveness...

The person who always needs and gladly takes your help but who is incapable of reciprocity...

The person in your family or group of friends who knows just the right buttons to push to make you feel small...

The person who you feel obligated to keep in your life because you have history even though you feel like you no longer have anything in common with...

That person who makes you feel like life isn’t fair. They’re better looking, more successful, infinitely cooler, and so nice you can't hate them...

That person who has a ‘perfect relationship’ and it reminds you of how imperfect everything is in your own existing relationship or that being single sucks...

That person who has really lived life on their own terms and has had the courage to make moves you never felt capable of making yourself...

The person whose love you feel like you don’t deserve and it makes you feel guilty...

The person who after decimating your heart into a million pieces moved on faster than you did...

The person who you gave your trust to and who violated it more than once...

That person who made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough…In work, in life, in love... 

The person who never liked you and you never understood why. You were always nice, you were always open, you were always willing...

That person who you were a shitty friend to and who you desperately miss and wish you could show how much you’ve grown and changed...

The list goes on.

Like I said previously, if you’re the average person, chances are that many of 'these people' exist or have existed in your life. That means that A) you're probably one or more of 'those people' in somebody else's life and B) that 'those people' probably have these same people in their lives too. It helps to remember that.

It also helps to remember that these people are just people. People who are also trying to figure out this thing called life. People who are who they are and whose lives have no bearing on yours unless you allow them to. In fact, whatever meaning they bring to your experience is actually something that you gave them. What do I mean by that?

Well for starters, no, you actually don't hate (insert name here). You hate that when they're around or when you think of them you feel (insert negative emotion). People aren't emotions, they're people. We have a tendency of making them interchangeable and it causes us a lot of unecessary grief.

Please know that these people are in your life for a reason and that reason is to provide contrast and opportunities for growth. The people in your life who trigger negative emotions inside of you are actually just symbolic of something that is actually already happening inside of you. A reminder of an old wound that needs healing or of your over-active inner critic who is actually there to try to protect you.

So what to do? How to manage the presence of these unsavory characters in our life?

Well, if you don’t have to, don’t. Starting in social media land, the 'unfriend' and 'unfollow' features on Facebook come in handy for that. There’s no need to subject ourselves daily to negative triggers if we don’t have to… Especially from people who we don’t really spend time with in person anyway. It's time to give our inner masochistic-online-stalker-selves a rest. Poor things have been on overdrive for quite some time now.

However, seeing as that isn’t the only or even a sensible solution, particularly when some of the people in question are in our families, close groups of friends, etc., it serves us to realize that if we're going to give these folks energy, then that energy should at least be productive.

For example, if 'Mary', who makes you feel insecure makes an appearance in your mind, get curious as to why that is.

Observe your feelings, name them, and try to understand where they really stem from. What is it about this person that makes me feel this way? What do I feel like I’m lacking and how can I source it in my life so that I won’t continue to have this reaction? Is it security? Acceptance? Love? Dig my friend. Dig deep enough and I promise you will find!

If 'Joseph' (guess we're feeling biblical here) serves as a reminder of a part of your past or present that you wish you could re-do or change, then focus on what you can actually do to change it moving forward. Were you a shitty friend to this individual? Forgive yourself and look for the positive things that you learned from that experience/person. The relationship may be unsalvageable but that doesn't mean all is lost.

For example, in this particular case you’ll find that the experience actually taught you that being a good friend is important to you. It also helped you define what friendship really means because it is where you failed. Do you define friendship as words? Actions? Feelings? Knowing that is something that isn’t just useful, it’s something that you can infuse all of your current relationships with and doing so will make you a better human.

Life is too short to live in the past or to fall prey to comparison syndrome. Both will rob you of your happiness faster than you can imagine. Both also require energy which you could be using to build the life you actually want to live.

On that note, if you insist on focusing on others, then why not focus on the 'players' in your life who help you feel empowered, light, and happy, happy, happy? (The heroes or trusty sidekicks if you will)

You know, the person who always leaves you more energized after a conversation on the phone, a quick coffee, or a three hour crying session?

That person who you know will pick you up at the airport no matter what time it is or who will dog sit even though they’re allergic to pets?

That person who you can sit next to for hours and talk, do nothing, read, or just ‘be’ with with no pressure to ‘perform’?

The person who makes you feel like anything is possible. The one who allows you to dream out loud and who actually encourages to follow those dreams?

That person who makes you feel smart? Beautiful? Sexy? Wanted?

The person who asks real questions and who listens with real interest to what you have to say?

That person who inspires you to be a better version of yourself but who always makes you feel like you’re enough just the the way you are?

The person who personifies kindness and who brings it out in you when they’re around?

That person who makes you think a little bit deeper… About life, about work, about love?

That person who gives you a good dose of perspective wrapped in a sandwich of love and carefully crafted advice when you need it most without being righteous or preachy?

That person who will listen to you say things that are so horrible you’re afraid to voice them out loud but who you know won’t judge you for saying them?

The person who is familiar with your shadow side and doesn’t allow anybody, not even you to define yourself by it?

That person who looks at you like you’re magic? The one who at times knows you better than you know yourself and who loves you to the moon and back for it?

Again, the list goes on.

At the end of the day where you spend your energy is entirely up to you. However, I would be totally remiss if I didn't at least encourage you to consider spending your energy on the single most important person in your life. You know, the one you see in the mirror every day when you brush your teeth and get ready to 'adult'.

They’re the best and deserve a little recognition once in a while too.

Don't make me re-send that memo. ;)

Namasme.

(I picked 'La Yugular' by Alex Ferreira y El Frente Caribe as the song for this entry because it is what I'm sure many people wish they had the guts to say to a former lover who did them wrong. It is by all means a happy goodbye full of irony and colorful metaphors. The lyrics are hilarious and very very on point. I promise next post will feature a song in English for those who aren't Spanish speakers!)

Go Play.

(This should really be called 'Stop Being Such an Adult and Go Play' but I deliberately kept it short in an attempt to help you appreciate the glory of the couple in the picture above. Can't see them? Click on the title of the post.)

I believe one of the biggest tragedies of adulthood is the fact that we allow our responsibilities to take over our lives and we forget about play. We get so caught up in progressing to the next milestone that we lose track of the fact that enjoying ourselves for the sake of enjoying ourselves is a crucial part of living that perfectly well-balanced life that we so desperately seek. We get so caught up in the rat race that it's easy for play to take a back seat because the benefits of it aren't as tangible as let's say a promotion or a clean house.

In my opinion, the most powerful benefits of play are spiritual in nature and can therefore be easily overlooked when our day to day life offers us little opportunity for spirituality unless we make a conscious effort to cultivate it.

So what are the spiritual benefits of play that make it so important?

Traditional eastern forms of spirituality teach us that enlightenment is a state of constant bliss and that our feelings are good indicators of our alignment with our higher selves. Those who are further along their path to spiritual enlightenment experience a sense of joy regardless of what life throws at them because they remain judgement-free and connected to themselves, each other, and everything around them. In other words, the single most important reason why play is important is because play is a powerful manifestation of the joy that connects you to your higher self.

When we play, we get back in touch with the side of ourselves that knows and feels that life is beautiful. When you're by yourself in the car and your favorite song comes on the radio and you sing it at the top of your lungs there's no expectation that the guy in the car sitting next to you in traffic is going to give you a standing ovation when you're finished is there? No. There's no agenda, there’s no reason, things just flow and you sing because you feel like it and because that song is simply irresistible. In my mind, for a second you experience that bliss I mentioned earlier.

I know most of us have been there so my question is simple... Just how good does belting that song feel? I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that most people would say amazing. So why on earth wouldn’t we prioritize and purposefully cultivate more of that feeling in our lives?

Joy is also the fuel of true creativity.

The more self-aware you become, the clearer the correlation between your experience of joy and your overall spiritual progress becomes. Not just that, you will also notice that your most inspired moments come from the times you give yourself permission to truly enjoy life because you are connecting with the highest spiritual expression of your being which is the joyful you. As I like to call it, the you minus all the fuss.

While everybody probably has a different definition of what creativity means to them there is one thing I know for sure—we do our greatest work when we are personally invested and genuinely interested in what we’re doing. When our work is a reflection of who we are when we are happy it doesn’t feel like work.  Better yet, when the work is a catalyst for our happiness, we relish in the effort because it engages us at our deepest level and we find that energizing. In my case, the experience is such that I lose track of time and sometimes forget to even eat or sleep. The outcome always feels like more than just work completed, it's bigger. When you really think about it, creativity is really just your intelligence, well… at play. Now ain't that a thing?!

Great, so what to do?

Find your path to whatever success means to you, stick to it and work hard to get as far as you can. Yes, by all means follow that path. On the way though, remember to admire the view, stop and smell the roses, surf that wave, have that cup of coffee, dance like an idiot, sing at the top of your lungs, and take it all in while you get to where you’re going because it's bound to be a helluva ride.

Namasme.

Coachella: Art, Music and An Unlikely Lesson

I had the pleasure of going to Coachella for the first time this past weekend with a phenomenal group of people and like most who went, had an experience to remember. Also like most, I took pictures and videos of my favorite things and ended up with a sizable library of photos and videos that ate up all of the memory on my phone.

Post festival and on the flight back to DC I decided to take a break from reading 'One More Thing' by 'The Office' funny man B.J. Novak (highly recommended) and took a minute to admire the interesting subjects that I had captured on my phone. As I whittled them down one by one to a smaller compilation of the best shots, I was struck by something that I felt compelled to share.

Turns out that my favorite pictures of the Coachella experience weren't those that I expected. While I was predictably impressed by and captured some amazing shots of the scores of music acts the likes of Tycho, Stromae, Florence and the Machine, and art installations (Butterflies! Giant lamps! Hippo Corporate Headquarters!), my favorite pictures of the festival were the ones of things that didn't deliberately fight for my attention... Things as mundane and 'blah' like the sky, parking lot fences and incoming traffic had made for what in my mind are some really beautiful photographs. (look below and see if you agree)

The lesson? Anything, captured under the right light and at the right time, can be stunningly beautiful. You just have to know how and when to look. Talk about a life metaphor.

What do you think?

Namasme.

Don't Let Anyone 'Should' On You

The last week alone I've heard several clients and friends say things like:

'I should be making more money.' 'I should be settled down.' 'I should have a corporate job.' 'I should be skinnier.' 'I should be happy in my relationship.'

Well amigos, because of this and after some reflection, today I would like to declare war on the word ‘should’. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I really do hate ‘should’ with a passion. Why? Simply because it is the culprit behind 90% of the unhappiness that I encounter as a coach.

As a society we have become so accustomed to passively accepting what life ‘throws’ at us that we have allowed ourselves to become victims of circumstance and have lost sight of our power as creators of our own reality.  We spend so much time worrying about what we ‘should’ do that we lose track of the things we would actually want to do were we given a choice. Choice. Funny I should write that. We always have a choice, nobody has to give us anything. We tend to forget that too.

We are experts at chasing the job, the relationship, the paycheck, the likes on Facebook, the right jean size, etc. and we easily become disconnected and distracted from the ‘non-shoulds’ that make us truly happy. We spend our whole lives trying to create the life that we think the world expects from us rather than creating the world we actually want to live in...That sucks. 

So Why is Living in the World of ‘Should’ So Bad For Us?

The world of 'should' is a world seen through a lens of scarcity rather than abundance. It's a world where our sense of validation is derived from external factors and not from within… It's a world where our success is measured by our ability to fit perfectly into society’s idea of the perfect box rather than our ability to create our own identity. Basic human needs like self-expression, creativity, and independence are undermined by the carefully crafted media and societal messages that teach us what success is and in turn determine everything we do from what we buy to how we ‘should’ look in order not to feel left out.

I guess feeling like an outsider hurts more than not being able to be yourself.

But why is that so bad? Wanting to fit in isn’t necessarily a terrible thing—we are social animals after all. Wanting a nice car and a big home doesn’t necessarily preclude you from living a fulfilled life. On that same note, isn’t it good to have goals, aspirations? Sure it is!

Where we get into trouble is when we start attaching our identities and sense of self-worth to those material goals or our ability to achieve them. After all, there’s always going to be someone wealthier and better looking, a bigger house, a faster car, and what looks like a more fulfilling relationship (at least on social media). Nothing we ever do or become will ever be good enough because our standard is artificially high and perfection is impossible. But like the good yet insecure souls that we are, we try anyway.

So how to combat this? How to give the world and our superficial society’s construct of the ideal life the finger? We look within. We get to know ourselves and take a moment to identify the difference between what we’ve been systematically fed and what actually resonates with us at our core. We learn to catch ourselves when we’re having thoughts that aren’t aligned with the things we have identified as our truth and we make a choice to change them. We choose to create the change we want to see. We choose to honor and love our imperfect selves. We choose to choose rather than simply accept and channel our energy to those who support us. We learn to love the ‘should(er)s’ from afar because there is only one ‘should’ that is actually valid and it has everything to do with us as individuals.

We 'should' be happy. We 'should' be happy from our souls happy. Easy happy. Authentic happy. Happy for the sake of happy happy. That’s the only thing we ‘should’ ever strive to be because the answer to that mystery lies in the very depths of each and every one of us and can never be found anywhere but within ourselves.

With that in mind, I ask you my dear friend...

"What ‘should’ or could you be doing to find your happy?"

***In my case, I use meditation to connect with my 'should'-free self and encourage you to find whatever works for you. If you're not sure and are curious about meditation, try this guided one by my friend, colleague, and coach extraordinaire Desi. Her voice alone is bound to make you happy!***

Namasme.

The 10 Commandments of Effective Bitching

Bitching. We all do it. We’re human…It happens. As a coach, I’ve come to appreciate that there is a huge difference between bitching and effective bitching. While I deal with a fair amount of both, I am definitely a fan of the latter for the simple reason that it makes life easier in the long run. In order to understand why, it is important to understand what it means to bitch effectively… So without further ado I present to you the 10 Commandments of Effective Bitching:

1. PICK WISELY WHO YOU’RE GOING TO BITCH TO: First things first. It is absolutely crucial that you’re aware of who will have the joy of listening to your emotional tirade. Pick someone whose opinions you respect and who will be able to give you good advice. Ask yourself: Is this person mentally, emotionally, and psychologically equipped to hear not just what I’m saying but everything I’m not? Effective bitching isn’t just about getting relief, it’s also about getting resolution and moving forward. Pick a good teammate!                                                                         
2. PICK WISELY WHO YOU’RE GOING TO BITCH TO: (Seriously) If you’re one of those people who is capable of bitching and forgiving and forgetting, don’t vent to a person who is particularly good at holding a grudge. Telling your mom that your bff Christy stole your boyfriend in fifth grade and wondering why she hates her to this day? Maybe you picked the wrong person to talk to!                                                                                                         
3. PICK WISELY WHO YOU’RE GOING TO BITCH TO: (Point made I hope?) The last thing that you have to consider when picking the right person or people to vent to is what they will do with the information. Chances are if they shared with you private information about another friend, not much is going to stand in the way of them doing the same with your stuff. Make sure you’re comfortable with that. If you’re not, talking to yourself is always an option!                                                                                                                                              
4. CREATE THE TIME AND SPACE TO BITCH PROPERLY. It is important to get it all out in one go (more on that in point #8) so pick a place and time where you can fully express yourself without holding back. On the phone in the metro? Probably not. Not only can you not really say what’s on your mind (unless you really don’t care), it’s rude to subject innocent bystanders to your anger and negativity in public spaces.                                                          
5. GIVE YOUR AUDIENCE FAIR WARNING. Nobody likes an inconsiderate bitcher. Ask permission, pick a time that is good for you AND for the person privy to your complaining. Nobody wants to go to the basketball game with the expectation of a hot dog, beer, and a good time to be later surprised by Debbie Downer and her boss that just won’t listen.                                                                                                                                              
6. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. Ask, if I were forced to look at this a different way, what would that be? Considering the different angles of a situation, particularly a problem (as ridiculous as they may seem), enables us to step away from our personal biases and can oftentimes provide opportunities to find common ground.                                                                                                                                          
7. ONCE IT’S OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM DON’T HARP ON IT. From an energetic perspective, it’s best to bitch once, bitch well, and get it over with in one go so make sure you have enough time and are in the right environment to do so. Why? Negative feelings have a tendency to stay with us longer than positive ones do (Proof here!). If you keep re-hashing how you’ve been wronged over and over again because you didn’t get it out properly in one go, you will extend the misery associated with the situation you felt compelled to vent about in the first place. So bitch freely, bitch magnificently. But bitch once.                                                                                                                                                
8. BE OPEN TO HONEST FEEDBACK. A truly epic bitching session not only offers you relief, it offers you possibility. Feeling the need to vent is usually an indicator that you are personally invested in a particular outcome or had expectations that weren’t fulfilled. In other words… “you’re too close” to the issue to be truly objective. Unfiltered feedback from a friend may just be what you need to regain a little perspective. Embrace it!                                                                                                         
9. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Remember, what you say is what is in your heart, what others hear is reflective of what is in theirs. This applies to whatever prompted you to bitch in the first place and the feedback you’ll receive from your friends or family.                                                       
10. TRY TO FIND THE LESSONS IN YOUR STRUGGLES. Every single experience we live is a blessing. Chances are if you’re complaining about it, there’s something that needs to be worked out and therefore learned from. Learn to appreciate your struggles as purveyors of wisdom and maybe, just maybe they won’t be a reason to bitch about! ;)