Useful Advice for Normal(ish) people
Did you know that you have 3 bodies that developed at different times or that who you are as an adult today was largely determined before you were 21?
As part of our first installment of 'Borrowed Knowledge,' a new series, we dive into Michael Brown's, "The Presence Process" and a discussion about the 3 most important phases of our development as well as our 3 'bodies' and how we can use them in our process of integrating the traumas of our past in a healthy way.
Check it out!
I was invited to speak at and presented at The National Symposium for Integrated Health at the Harvard University Faculty Club in Cambridge last week and wrote the following piece as a guideline for the presentation I delivered. I'll be posting the video of the presentation when I get my hands on it but my hope is that you will read this and start asking questions today... As always, feedback is most welcome!
On September 25, 2009 my brother Thomas and I made a decision that would drastically alter the course of both of our lives forever. You see, we had spent the better part of two years essentially lobbying the Colombian government to give us full custody of my father who at the time was suffering from severe Alzheimer’s disease and wasn’t receiving the level of care he deserved.
That Friday morning, we were granted our wish and received all the relevant paperwork. We couldn’t believe it! The day we had dreamed of for so long had come but due to some unforeseen circumstances, none of what we had planned to do once we had achieved this was on the table and we were forced to think quickly. Our conclusion? To take him with us back to the States and to figure out what to do once we were on our own turf and with more time to think. We went straight to the Embassy, got him a passport and were on the first flight back to DC, which was where we both lived at the time.
At the time, I was a relatively carefree 25 year old rising quickly in the ranks of corporate America. I was in a committed relationship, living in a spacious loft, driving a beautiful car, and contemplating a move overseas with my boyfriend. Life was good. How good? I didn’t really understand until September 26th, the day we arrived to the states… which is when the reality of what we had chosen to take on really set in.
You see, in our minds prior to assuming the responsibility of my father’s care, we understood that it was going to be the beginning of a new chapter for us as a family and that it would require some sacrifices on our part. That’s about it, to be honest… but it was enough because we were intent on making his last years as comfortable and loving as possible. To us, it had become abundantly clear that we were the best people for the job so we decided to take it on, admittedly not knowing exactly it entailed and how difficult it would be…
And difficult it was…Dad required 24hr round the clock care. That meant we had to hire a caregiver while we were at work and that we take turns every other night bathing him, changing his diapers, feeding him dinner, and putting him to bed. We would switch every other weekend too so that we could each get a break and be ‘normal’ for 48hrs.
Dad’s care quickly took a toll on us physically, psychologically, emotionally, and financially. He had no health insurance and came to us after not having seen a doctor, a dentist, or an occupational therapist in years. He was in bad shape and we needed to get him to the healthiest baseline as soon as possible to better control the inevitable decline that we knew would come regardless.
There were tears, nights of what seemed like endless frustration. Anger, sadness, fights, resentment, and plenty of days where we both felt like we couldn’t take it anymore. Though my brother took on more responsibilities than I did, in my mind it felt like it was too much. We were too young. It was too unfair. I remember sitting at home on Saturday nights alone and crying myself to sleep. I remember experiencing severe anxiety before every time I had to shower him prompted by the fear that he may fall and that I would be alone and helpless…
Though he did pass away peacefully at home during a snow storm some 2 years and 4 months later, I’m proud to say that our efforts weren’t in vain. We accomplished our goal of making him feel loved and ensuring that he had the best medical care possible for as long as he was with us. To this day, when I think of the experience I can’t help but wonder about how we pulled it off. I’m ever so grateful for having had the opportunity to care for him and in awe of just how incredibly strong my brother proved to be at the time. As for me? Well, let’s just say the experience is the reason why I stand before you today.
So now that you’ve received the cliff’s notes version of one of the most intimate/difficult/ and character defining parts of my life story, I think it’s time I introduce myself properly. Hi, my name is Jenniffer Green and I am a professional student of life. Most people refer to me by what I do for a living… life coach… but I know better.
I shared with you my story because hidden inside of that experience is a message that I feel is worth sharing and that has served as one of the pillars of my coaching practice for the last 3 1/2 years.
Knowing what you now know about my story, you can probably understand why taking care of my dad was probably the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do. What I didn’t share though, was that it also ended up being one of the most gratifying experiences of my life. The beautiful part? That realization didn’t come AFTER the ordeal, it came DURING and it helped me begin a personal transformation that is still taking place today.
So what happened that changed my mind? Did we have a crisis within a crisis? Nah, my revelation came to be quite anti-climatically one Friday night as I was watching a movie with my dad at home and feeling annoyed that I couldn’t make it to a friend’s get together. I found myself going into a familiar thought pattern… ‘poor me’, ‘my youth being wasted’ “this is so unfair’ ‘where did my freedom go’… This time I stopped myself though. I stopped because I had repeated the same story so many times that I’d become bored of it and it had starting feeling a bit melodramatic. There’s only so much feeling sorry for yourself you can do after all.
I was desperate to make sense of it all so I turned to both western philosophy and eastern spiritual thought and began to go inward. In my quest I had my first “aha!’ Moment reading Viktor Frankl’s work. Frankl was a renowned Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and holocaust survivor and in my eyes his story served as a beautiful example of how a human being can transmute their suffering into meaning through a process that I’ve begun to call perceptual alchemy. Frankl stated: ’Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
So yes. What I living was challenging. Yes, it was too much. Yes, we were too young. Yes, it was unfair. But could it be other things as well? Could I learn to see this situation in a way that didn’t feel like I was at the mercy of my circumstances? How could I find this freedom that Frankl described? I found that changing my attitude regarding my situation was a lot harder than I expected. How do you just magically shift your perceptions and emotions?
Unsatisfied and unconvinced, I kept digging and in my search I found Chinese philosopher and the Founder of Taoism, Lao Tsu and the following suggestion: ‘When I let go of what I am I become what I may be.’ But who was I? It had become clear that I had to let go of something… What exactly that was though, I wasn’t sure… that didn’t make me crave it any less though.
So on one hand I had Frankl telling me to accept my situation and shift my attitude and on the other I had Lao Tsu telling me to let go of the idea I had in my head about who I was so that I could embrace something new. In order to do either of those though, I needed to take a step back and figure out what the ‘what’ I needed to accept was and the ‘who’ I was being at the moment.
Well, that was way easier said than done. You see, while the power of acceptance is a key pillar in most personal development literature, there’s a key piece in the acceptance conversation that a lot of people miss when they discuss the importance of embracing it. You have to be keenly aware of what you are ‘accepting’ in order to shift it and create lasting change…. And that ‘thing’ you’re accepting is the story you are telling yourself about what you are living…. And that story, like most… is subjective.
When I took a hard look at myself, I realized that the story I was telling was one of total martyrdom. And though there was a part of me that felt righteous about my victimization because it was being done in the name of love, there was, however, a side of me that wasn’t buying it.
Was I all of a sudden a scared little girl or the fiercely independent woman that by 24 was running a marketing department at a mid size telecom firm? Was I the girl who always made others laugh or had I forgotten what being joyful felt like? This whole victim thing wasn’t a role I was used to playing and even though it made sense being in it felt uncomfortable. Why? The answer and the key to getting out of my predicament lay in the neural networks of my brain.
As the processing center of our bodies, our brains are tasked with among other tasks extracting usable information from all the data we encounter on a daily basis. Once we are introduced to a new idea, concept, person, or topic, your brain begins to create a neural network for it. Each one of the 86 billion neurons in your brain is connected to roughly 10,000 others. Each time a connection is used, a network is created.
According to Psychology Today, these networks function according to 3 principal rules:
1. The focus of your attention is the network you are in. Your attention tells you the neural network you are in. Knowing this you can practice observing your thoughts and being picky about which ones you entertain.
2. Neurons that fire together wire together. This is called Hebb’s Rule (1949), which basically says that repeated experience can strengthen or weaken neuronal bonds. The more neurons fire together, the faster and stronger they wire together, producing larger and stronger networks over time.
The more you focus on something, the more connections to that thing you make, which means that over time you begin to see the world more and more through that particular network/lens and the things that are connected to it. What you focus on, you get a lot more of. So engage with your thoughts wisely, and pay attention to which networks you spend a lot of time in!
3. Use it or lose it. Just as attending to a particular thought strengthens the neural network associated with that thought, neglecting neural networks results in a weakening of those networks over time. This is really good news, because it means that if we can promote disintegration of old, negative, unhelpful networks, we can reduce the intensity and frequency with which we produce (and experience!) the distressing thoughts associated with those networks.
Seeing it this way my dilemma was actually quite simple:
I created a ‘my life sucks and there’s nothing I can do about it’ network and because my circumstances were so difficult, it became strong pretty quickly because there were so many factors out of my control in my new reality.
That network, however, didn’t quite jive with other strong yet already pre-existing networks that I had created in my head which were the ‘everything is figureoutable’ network and the ‘I am woman hear me roar’ network among others. Because of that I found it hard to get unstuck.
This was good. Now I knew what I needed to do. I needed to create a new network! But how?
Fortunately for me, Albert Einstein another one of my favorite gurus came to save the day. “All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge” he said.
Ok, so my imagination… How could I use my imagination to make it easier for me to accept my situation and shift it from positive to negative? How could I enlist its help in making me feel better and not let it continue feeding my current unhappiness? …Because by then I had become an expert at imagining just how much fun all the stuff that I was missing out on was and all the things that could possibly go wrong while I had to take care of dad alone.
The answer was easy. I needed to get creative with my thinking and consciously direct those efforts in a productive way.
You see, imagination is a resource. It’s just like time, money, connections, energy, etc… Much like time, you have the choice to use it consciously but if you don’t, it will still be used regardless. Being aware of this I made the decision that I was going to tell a new, more positive story. Build new networks and work on strengthening them so that I could find more peace of mind and reconnect with my joy.
I built the ‘this doesn’t have to suck’, the ‘this can make you grow’, the ‘you are stronger than you think,’ the ‘create the joy’ and the ‘wow, you have a lot of free time at home now so use it wisely’ networks.
I was determined to adopt a growth mindset and to be more flexible with myself. I understood that in a situation like this having answers or external solutions didn’t really matter. What mattered was my internal world. So I started applying the third rule of Neural Networking and stopped entertaining thoughts that were causing me anxiety or that made it easy for me to go back in victim mode. I also stopped using the ‘but it wasn’t supposed to be like this’ network because if I was being totally honest with myself, I actually had no clue what it was supposed to look like.
Much to my surprise when I opened up to the possibility that my experience didn’t have to be terrible, life started reflecting that! I started noticing little things that brought me a lot of joy like the fact that although dad couldn’t really talk anymore, he could still sing with me. I started caring for him as an opportunity to practice self-care as well. If I gave him a mani and pedi, I would give myself one too. I started realizing that slowing down was actually a gift because it allowed me to open the door into myself. I started reading about nutrition, I reconnected with my love of performing and I would put on mini concerts for him in the living room. I started getting creative with my cooking… I started connecting with my dad in a way I never had before… the way of the soul and I got to see and feel his spirit.
Alzheimer’s is a condition that strips away your sense of self and can be rather confusing and scary for those who live with it. Because of that, it is quite common for folks with the disease to be aggressive and combative with their care takers. My pops on the other hand? Total sweetheart. So gentle.
The more I was forced to constantly and consciously choose my network/narrative/path to grace, the more I realized just how important doing so really is. The more I was forced to slow down the more I saw how much unnecessary rushing I had done before and the more honest I became with myself. The life that I ‘missed’ so much was actually not the life I truly wanted. Sure, it checked off all the boxes I’d been socialized into thinking I did but those check marks permitted me to bypass my true self’s desires and needs. In a way, my dad’s illness had caused me a tremendous amount of pain but it had also been a gift. An opportunity for me to learn some valuable lessons about acceptance, unconditional love, and the true meaning of freedom. An opportunity to open the door into myself.
My life changed and I became who I am today because my circumstances forced me to look at and change my story and the filter through which I see the world. The good news is you don’t wait for things to get to that point to start looking within and doing the work in your own world. Yes, it will require courage and you will likely find things that are difficult to confront but it will be the most satisfying journey you’ll ever make if you allow it.
You may have noticed that I called myself a professional student of life at the beginning of our time together. I hope you’ll join me in my pursuit and that we can grow together learning from the many teachers who will cross our path.
Let’s use this incredible resource that is our imagination and put it at the service of our dreams and not our fears. Let’s use it to create and play out the narratives we want to live and have the courage to treat ourselves like the beautifully imperfect works in progress we are. Let’s take ourselves seriously enough to find the freedom required to stop taking ourselves so seriously… To embody the joy that we want to feel… to relish the lemons we masterfully turn into lemonade.
The stakes are high folks. We are living in a time where we as a collective society need to shift our way of living. Truth is, we don’t need more stuff. We don’t need more technology, we don’t need more convenience, faster cars, microchips in our brains, doomsday shelters or to live forever. With the planet as is we already all have the resources we need to keep every one fed, sheltered, educated and yet that’s not what we see. Why? Because we lost our way and ourselves. Because the story we began to tell was one based on fear.
More than our way of living though, we need to define our way of BEING. We need to reconnect with our humanity and in order to do so we must first reconnect with ourselves.
So with that in mind today I ask, what story are you telling?
(*** I chose Cielito Lindo for the song to accompany this post because it was the song that dad and I sang the most together during this period. Every time I hear it, I'm immediately transported to that time. It will forever be one of my favorites for that reason.***)
SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET YOUR INNER WEIRDO OUT FOR A DANCE...
A couple of months back I got tired of seeing how much time we spend on social media curating our online personas in an effort to look cool rather than portraying ourselves more honestly...So I asked you for help.
I wanted to prove that there are people out there who are willing to get goofy, be a bit weird, and flex their 'I don't give a f*ck' muscle. I made a call for volunteers and gave you no details until you had already agreed.
Turns out 30 of you in 9 different countries, 5 cities in the US, a volcano, and a pirate ship were brave enough to join me. To you, a massive thank you. You're the best! Let's do more of this shall we?
To those of you watching, enjoy! I hope this gives you a bit of inspiration to start the year off by honoring yourself and not worrying so much about what everybody else thinks. 2018 is your year baby!
Namasme.
(The song featured in the video is called Venezuela by Coleman Hell. To download it, check it out here!)
I’m in California looking at the ocean and taking some time to reflect on this year. From moving to Bali to meeting and hanging out with Richard Branson at Necker to sitting for my first Ayahuasca ceremony, 2017 turned out to be a year of surprises, massive growth, and setting the stage for 2018 in a big way.
Because sharing more of my personal journey with you is one of my goals, I’ve decided to start a bit early and share with you my top 5 highlights of the year and the lessons they taught me.
Moving to Bali
What was originally a trip to celebrate my birthday turned into the decision to relocate and one of the best life choices that I’ve ever made. On the morning of my 33rd birthday, I found myself watching the sunrise at the top of a volcano not far from Ubud and knowing with every fiber in my being that I was home. That 'knowing' was everything but rational but I decided to listen to it.
That feeling initiated what was to become a time of transition and it looked like the Universe and my former partner agreed because it took me just 6 days to make the Bali - Hong Kong - Bali move almost seamlessly. I’ve spoken about my Bali experience at length in another post so I won’t elaborate much further but will say that Bali taught me to appreciate simplicity and to slow down. It helped me strip away layers of my ego that were getting in the way of my continued growth and gave me friendships that I will treasure forever.
The Lesson? Life will always make sure you learn what you need to learn and all those lessons won’t necessarily come from big struggles. It’s good to pay attention to things when they’re working too. What is meant for you flows. Your job is to get your mindset and your actions to align and facilitate that flow making sure you get out of your own way. Your biggest ally in that effort is your gut. Always trust your gut.
The Explosive Growth of Meuf on Top
Just a little over two years ago when I was still living in Paris, I had an idea as I reflected on how many incredible women I knew. My life was made richer by every single one of these connections and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if I created a space to share them with each other… To see what would happen when a very diverse and powerful group of women from different backgrounds and countries were given the opportunity to share ideas and resources with each other with no specific goal in mind other than to grow.
Thankfully and much to my surprise, the results have been fantastic! We are a community that has grown from 83 women in 4 countries to almost 500 in 15. Just this year alone we grew 480%. We speak 7 different languages and have members ranging from ages 17 - 92. We host themed gatherings in different cities across the globe and have become a tribe of women that operates in a highly conscious, open-minded and loving way. Everyone of these ladies works hard to make their community better and to be a better human.
I couldn’t be more proud of the caliber of woman I see the group attracts but also of the fact that the group has grown far beyond the extension of my own personal network and into a truly global community!
On a professional front, Meuf on Top has allowed me to gather insight into what women are thinking and how to be a better coach. The group has also afforded me the opportunity to test out new content ideas and develop new offerings designed based on the feedback that I’ve been able to gather.
The lesson? Almost everything/everyone in our lives can teach us something about how to run our businesses better. Inspiration is everywhere so follow your curiosity, you never know where it may lead you and what you could learn from it.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this, I started the group almost as a social experiment and boy has it proven to have been a good idea! I unknowingly created a platform that enhances my business by giving me valuable input about one of my biggest market segments and have created a global network of allies for Namasme. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, MAGIC HAPPENS WHEN STRONG WOMEN DECIDE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER. I’m looking forward to seeing the continued organic growth of the group and if you’re reading this and want to join, to seeing an invite request from you on Facebook. To join, click here!
Necker Island
I was invited to Necker by someone who I admire deeply, my friend and founder of Supershe, Kristina Roth. As a business woman, Kristina was able to do what few can… She came to this country with a laptop and a dream and in less than 10 years built and sold one of the fastest growing companies in the United States according to Forbes magazine. She’s bold, brilliant, and has a huge heart.
I met Kristina in Paris in 2016 just as she was beginning her new project Supershe and was looking to connect with like-minded women doing interesting things in the world. During our interview we hit it off and ended up spending the day together and having a great time. We kept in touch and as as fate would have it, less than a year later, Kristina would invite me to Necker, not knowing that Richard Branson has been one of my heroes for as long as I can remember. Naturally I jumped on the opportunity and it turned out to be a spectacular trip.
For five days I was surrounded by some of the most brilliant minds from Silicon Valley, European tech, Venture Capital, Fashion, world renowned scholars and athletes, 500 flamingos, lemurs, and a very vigilant tortoise. We ate, we laughed, we danced, we sang, we were outdoors all day, and we talked about life and spirituality. We talked about the world, what is coming, and how to do our part to make it a better place.
I had the opportunity to talk to get to know Richard and observe him in his natural habitat and much to my delight was able to confirm that everything that I’d thought about him prior to our meeting was correct. He is a wonderful human being and full of life and in his 70’s keeps his staff of twenty somethings on their toes with his energy and enthusiasm. More importantly, I noticed that he had two traits in common with everyone I met there...They didn't take themselves too seriously (as the merman tail in the picture suggests) and were all solutions minded and forward thinking. If something needed to be done, the question was never ‘if’ but ‘how’. That stuck with me.
I left Necker full of fire and inspired to grow Namasme. How? I wasn't quite sure at the time. I just knew that I wanted to have a deeper and more meaningful impact on the world and I had plenty of inspiration and references of just how possible is it to make it happen. Now that I have a better of idea of what I will be doing in 2018, I 'm literally counting down the days till January!
The Lesson? It’s important to surround yourself with people who push you to stretch yourself in all ways, physically, intellectually, emotionally. People who are creating their own path with courage and who are committed to something bigger than themselves. People who are curious, talented, and satisfied without being complacent. People who don't believe in convention because it yields conventional results. Those who understand that you’re never too small to have an impact if you have a vision and a plan, the energy to see it through, and the humility to listen and to know that regardless of how successful you are, you will forever have something to learn.
Necker and my Necker ‘familia’, without knowing it taught me how to dream bigger than I previously given myself permission to do. For that I will be forever thankful and oh so ready for the goodness coming in 2018.
***Unfortunately, it looks like we were one of the last groups to visit Necker this year since it, along with the rest of the BVI’s and much of the Caribbean were decimated by Hurricane Irma. If you’re reading this and would like to get involved in the relief effort for the BVI’s, please visit: www.bvihelp.com to see how you can help.***
Launching Our Youtube Channel
I won't lie, there are days where I miss my showbiz career. Days when I miss doing work that impacts a large group of people, not just those I have immediate and personal access to. Days when I remember how delicious it is to use my creativity for a good cause as we did on television with the Nenaemboscada. Because of that, earlier this summer we launched our Youtube channel and though it's till very much in it's nascent phase and the recovering perfectionist inside of me is still a bit uncomfortable with the production quality of what we've put out so far because we were literally filming in the jungle, I'm proud of the subject matter that we covered, the over 2,200 views we have, and our 69 subscribers.
That said, we plan on growing the Namasme online footprint in 2018 and will be making the Namasme Media Youtube channel a priority. This means more content, less roosters in the background, and more fun and engaging topics so join us and subscribe or send us a note if you have any content ideas that you would like to see us explore to hey@namasme.com!
The Lesson? Done is better than perfect. Sometimes you just have to jump and adjust as you go.
Sitting For My First Ayahuasca Ceremony
I'd heard a lot about the life changing experiences that friends had had with Ayahuasca for years and always knew it was something that I wanted to experience but only under the right circumstances. I strongly believe that journeys with plant medicine are to be taken seriously, done responsibly, and in a safe environment. Opening the doors of perception can be an incredibly healing experience but also a scary one and for that reason I waited until I found the right opportunity and the right people to sit with 'grandmother'.
The ceremony allowed me to experience a feeling of 'Oneness' I'd never felt before. I'd understood it conceptually but there was something about being in nature that night that made me feel at a cellular level that we're all a part of something bigger and that we really do depend on each other to live harmoniously with each other and with our planet.
The lesson? Neither we, or anything that we do ever really exist in isolation and as such, we carry a tremendous responsibility to ensure that we are the best versions of ourselves so that we can be wise and humble enough to tread lightly on this earth. Every decision that we make matters. Every decision that we make gives us an opportunity stand for the world that we want to see and for the love that we want to embody.
Purpose isn't something that you find of that you should spend your time chasing. Purpose is something that you can infuse into every day of your life by making every act sacred...by making every act stand for something. By being conscious of the fact the very fact that you're breathing is a gift. If you choose to live this way, you'll find that life will show you where to go.
***Please note that this is NOT and endorsement of Ayahuasca or any plant medicine. My intention in this post is not to encourage you to go down this path. That decision is solely yours and plant medicine isn't for everyone and can have serious physical and emotional consequences. It is NOT meant to be a recreational activity. If you do decide to do so, however, please make sure you do what you can to ensure you'll have a safe and fulfilling experience***
My hope in sharing with you these highlights is to encourage you to take some time and reflect on what you learned this year. If you do, you are embracing a growth mindset and are putting yourself in the position to embrace what's next by having both feet firmly planted in the knowledge of where you stand.
So, what would your top 5 be for 2017?
Namasme.
***(I chose 'How to Fly' By Sticky Fingers as the song for this post because while everyone else on the planet had Despacito on repeat, this was my JAM for most of the year. There is something about its vibe that I find incredibly infectious. Enjoy!)***
It may come as a shock to you but what you see here is my hand...Just two months ago, at the intersection of my pinky finger and my palm there used to be a pretty noticeable and to be honest, pretty gross looking callus. Contrary to what most of you who know me would believe since I have a thing for aesthetics, I was rather proud of that callus. You can kind of see the last of it in the picture but it’s mostly gone and while there is nothing really extraordinary going on, while looking at it today, I realized something that I want to share with you in hopes that it will be useful. At its core, this is a story about permission…
I left Bali on the night of Halloween and I’ve been back in the states for over a month and a half now. While the transition has been smoother than I imagined because I’ve spent most of my time in the countryside living in nature at our family farm (and I haven’t dealt with too much of the collective DC neurosis), I have to say there have been many moments where I get a pang of melancholy and I wish I was back in the place that has most felt like home ever.
When I do go into the city, the question I get asked most often is why I was crazy enough to leave paradise and come to the cold. Most of the time I’ve resorted to the easy answer which in this case means that it’s monsoon season and there was a volcano situation you may have heard about in the news. In other instances I talk about wanting to spend time with family and while both are true, the real reason I came back is a bit harder to explain but at the same time has been a wonderful lesson learned.
Truth is, I came back to the US because for the first time in my life I decided to give myself permission to consciously push myself to grow. I didn’t wait for it to hit the fan, there was no crisis to manage or run from, and there was no external circumstance or situation guiding my thinking and subsequent action. I simply took a step back, tried to observe my life as objectively as I could, and realized that it was time to go.
For how long? Who knows. Maybe a season? I’ve learned that with me, sometimes it’s hard to tell but at this point it’s irrelevant to the story. So back to that…
By any measure my life in Bali was idyllic. I was living in an incredible and relatively peaceful town called Ubud in the middle of the jungle surrounded by beautiful yogis, artists, musicians, and highly conscious folk. The food was incredible, I’d never felt better in my body or more creative, and the cost of living was incredibly low compared to American standards. Because Ubud is known as the spiritual center of Bali, I dove deep into my spiritual practice while I was there and experimented with all sorts of modalities ranging from sound healing to plant medicine. Even though I didn’t move there to ‘heal’ myself like many do, (that’s a story for another day) I ended up integrating a lot of things from my past and from an emotional standpoint grew more in the 8 months that I was there than in the last 33 years of my life.
It seemed like every couple of days there was a new discovery as I learned to look deeper and deeper inside of myself and slowed down. While I enjoyed many different types of activities there, the one that consistently fed my soul the most was going for long rides on my motorcycle. As I’d get lost in my thoughts, I’d get lost in the rice fields and country roads of the surrounding area feeling the wind in my face and the sun on my shoulders.
It wasn’t uncommon for me to go on 2 hour rides with no particular itinerary in mind because I relished the feeling of freedom and often cried happy tears inspired by the beauty of my surroundings and the fortune I had to be there. I often found that riding put me in a sort of mediative state because I was forced to concentrate exclusively on a task that required my full attention if it was to be done correctly and more importantly, if I was going to survive the crazy driving of the locals and a few overachieving expats. Because of that and the reasons I previously mentioned, I rode my bike as often as I could… So much so in fact that my right hand developed the small, round, and rather pronounced callus that I previously mentioned.
Rather than be grossed out by it and attempt to get rid of it, I wore it almost like a badge of honor because it felt like a permanent reminder of the goodness that surrounded me at the time. When my parents came to visit, I proudly showed it to my mom on the first day that she arrived. Needless to say, she was less than thrilled that her baby was scooting around town on two wheels…
Interestingly enough, it was during my parent’s visit that my feelings started to shift regarding my living situation. I noticed that while I had been basically blissed out for 8 months, I hadn’t done much with all of the goodness that I’d received to give back. My business was pretty much on autopilot at that point and completely referral based so other than being fully present for my existing clients during our sessions, I really didn’t really invest much time into Namasme or into any activity in gratitude of or to reciprocate my good fortune. I volunteered at a school/orphanage once in a while but that was nowhere near enough and that started to feel wrong.
Having my parents there I became acutely aware of just how badly the West and particularly the US needs consciously minded, happy, satisfied, and grounded people. Hearing about everything that was happening in politics and society, it became abundantly clear to me that to be truly useful (which is very important to me), I needed to spend some time here. I had to focus on growing/shifting Namasme so that I could help more people re-discover themselves and contribute my little grain of sand to the massive shift happening in this country and the world. The time for the shift from inward to outward had arrived.
As I have a tendency to do, I tried to ignore this new awareness for a couple of days because I was too comfortable and too happy where I was. Why on earth would I want to give that up?! I mean, I literally had physical manifestations of my happiness as my friend the callus could prove!
But no, as with all new awarenesses of the soul, you can’t unlearn something you’ve discovered. You can do your best to sedate yourself to not feel or to try to ignore it but your can’t unlearn it. This meant that after repeated attempts to do the latter, I eventually caved in and decided (against what at that time felt like my better judgment) to leave the place that taught me how to be 100% unapologetically myself to go back to a place that I had never related to positively and that was also all too familiar. The District. The same streets, the same restaurants, the same issues, the same conversations, the same power games, the same drinking culture, but a very different president. Ugh.
Much to my own chagrin (even though I secretly love it) my time here has shown me that I made the right choice. I now understand that my time in Bali taught me exactly what I needed and that the last lesson was when to know when to let go. I could have easily stayed there forever but my growth would’ve been stunted because there is a big world out there waiting to be discovered and many people to help with this remarkable skill set that is coaching.
You see, ‘me’ time is important because it offers an opportunity for introspection and if used correctly, some valuable perspective. More important than that however, is what you decide to DO with what you’ve learned. Focusing on ourselves is a wonderful and very necessary thing but I’ve come to realize that we shouldn’t do it at the expense of our understanding that we're a part of a community and as such have a responsibility to contribute what we can to make things better. The beauty of life is the dance between the two.
I’ve spent the greater part of the last three weeks planning 2018 for Namasme and I feel like I have a fire lit inside of me. I’m so ready and so excited for what’s coming I can’t wait for it to be January because I’m shifting gears a bit and will be putting myself back on stage for the first time in 5 years although this time it won’t be to sing or be on TV but to speak and hopefully inspire others with my journey and the things I’ve learned along the way. I hope you’ll join me!
I've also decided that in addition to my group programs and upcoming online courses, for every one-on-one client that comes in starting in January, I will offer a half cycle (3 months) of coaching to a person in need for free* as part of a Karma coaching initiative. I keep my practice small and coaching isn't cheap but that doesn't mean it should be inaccessible...Especially to those who could probably benefit from it the most. It's time to multiply the good juju!
So friend, now you probably understand why you were looking at a picture of my hand and why, when I do the same I feel a bit of melancholy but mostly pride again even though my noble callus is gone...Melancholy because I miss the sweetness of good times passed but pride for very different reasons than before. I feel pride in the fact that I willingly decided to leave my all too comfortable nest to venture back here and see what the future has in store not waiting for 'certainties' or answers before making a move, just following my instinct…Pride that I gave myself permission to grow and to change without waiting for life to push me…Pride that I’ve transformed from reactor to creator and that I’ve learned to trust myself, my abilities, and most importantly, the process… And ultimately pride because I can feel in my bones that I’m finally becoming the woman that I’m meant to be.
With that, I ask you friend. What are you not giving yourself permission to do in order to evolve and to embrace a new phase of growth? To look for a different job? To leave the unfulfilling relationship? To stop repeating the same tired narratives in your head about how life is so hard? To have that awkward conversation with that friend you have feelings for?
Have you considered what could be on the other side if you simply said yes to opening that door? Good, bad, or ugly I can guarantee you it will be worth it. Why? Simple…And I never give guarantees but in this case I can confidently state that it will, in one way or another help you, well… grow. ;)
Namasme.
p.s. I know I said I’m happy without the answers but if any of you do palm readings…
(I chose ‘Let Go’ By Justin Jay feat. Benny Bridges and Josh Taylor because it was a song I used to love listening too while riding my bike and the lyrics are quite a propos don’t you think?)
* If you're interested in being a Karma Coaching participant, please send us a note at hey@namasme.com
I used to be scared of wasps.
And what you see in the picture is a wasp sleeping... Well, she's actually taking a break from building her nest... Right outside of my bedroom door...
I've been observing this wasp for three weeks now and in that time period have had an interesting journey that began in fear and has now evolved into complete admiration.
You see, not too long ago seeing a wasp in my house would have freaked me out enough for me to have had no qualms about getting rid of its nest. No thought would have been given to the animal involved in its creation in the name of self-preservation.
Today though, I can't help but wonder at the beauty and magnificence of this industrious and ultra dedicated wasp's creation! In the three short weeks I've been observing her, every single time I pass my door, I've seen her working. Non stop. Every. Single. Day.
Oddly enough, this is actually the first time I don't see her busy at work building.
I did some research and it turns out that adult worker wasps are usually females who are building nests to safeguard their soon to be born young. In the case of this particular wasp, it also looks like rather than being an adult worker wasp, she's actually a Queen wasp due to her large size. I also learned that wasps are generally not a threat to humans unless they're messed with. (good news!)
Back to the story though...
So every day the wasp's nest grows just a little bit and every day I am made privy to the evolution of the simple yet intricate design she's creating which is beautiful in both form and function. Seeing this has made me develop a new appreciation for this incredible creature and has made me reconsider our relationship.
You see, this little experiment in observation has made me realize that that nest is that wasp's life work. It's her masterpiece... It's her legacy and the future of her family. Knowing this, I understand that the wasp is simply living out her purpose. How could I ever consciously destroy her work?! What makes my manufactured 'peace of mind' more important than her survival? Isn't it possible for us to just co-exist in harmony with each other? Why should my misguided human fear be prioritized over her existence?
This has made me remember a beautiful quote I read not too long ago that says:
I couldn't agree more if I tried. In my mind, we're all wasps. We're all just trying to live our lives and we're trying to do this sharing one home.
It's important that we become conscious of the role that we play in our human communities but also in our ecosystem as a whole. It's important that we learn to respect each other's paths, work, timing, and existence.
It's important that we start operating from the understanding that we don't live in splendid isolation and that our actions have consequences.
What if we learned to be more gentle with the planet, with each other and with ourselves? If we did, wouldn't that be wonderful?
Namasme.
***
{I picked this piece by Bach for this post inspired by a conversation I had with a friend on Sunday about music as a medium for the achievement of ecstasy. We were discussing classical and my friend Peter brought up Bach...whom historically I'd never been a huge fan of.. I've always seen myself as more of a Mozart kind of girl since I studied opera in highschool. His argument was that Bach was the equivalent of (wo)man exhalting God and almost making an offering while Mozart was God speaking to (wo)man through music. This prompted me to give both another listen and I have to admit, I can totally understand why he said what he did and kind of agree. I also have a newfound appreciation for Bach, much like I do for the wasp living in my house. ;) }
I think it can universally be agreed that being in a crisis never feels good. However, it is in times of crisis that we are often pushed to grow out of our comfort zones and deepen our understanding of ourselves so there is a lot of gold to be found in these dark times that we go through.
This video is dedicated to all the physics geeks out there... Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGJeeHKD7_0&t=1s
